American Candy
by MyTwiDreams
Summary: When I was a little girl my mother always used to call me her little pixie but today, no one would call me a pixie anymore. Probably because pixies don't have trouble squeezing into a size sixteen dress/ Completed
1. Chapter 1

**[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM**

**[A/N] I decided to re-post this story because so many very kind and encouraging people asked me to. I hope this makes you happy and puts a little smile on your face.**

****Baby Ruth****

When I was a little girl my mother always used to call me her little pixie. I loved that nickname because it made me feel so special.

Today, no one would call me a pixie anymore. Probably because pixies don't have trouble squeezing their asses into a size sixteen dress.

But things are like they are and changing them is difficult and exhausting. I think it's unfair that I'm the only one in my family who is overweight. Emmett used to be a quite chubby as a kid but once he started with the whole Kickboxing and Football crap he lost all of it. Now he's all muscles instead of fat plus he's tall what means he can eat basically whatever he wants too without worrying about gaining weight again.

I don't think I'm going to grow anymore, what means I'll be stuck at 4.7 for the rest of my life and the hope of getting thinner by some miracle-like overnight growth spurt is out of the question.

It's not like I haven't tried any fucking diet under God's sun but the embarrassing truth is I have too many taste buds and too little discipline to stick to them. I love my food creamy and sweet or alternatively crispy and fatty.

I hate those liars on TV that tell you it was so freaking easy to get rid of their extra pounds because suddenly they discovered how yummy green apples are or celery or whatever kind of healthy stuff.

To me it's still celery and its chances on being considered mouthwatering for me are as big as Paris Hilton's on becoming a brain surgeon.

So, this is hopeless and I wouldn't be complaining about my weight but I'm desperate. The main reason to lose weight should be improving your health but all I care about is this stupid dress. I need to find one for prom and the last six dresses I have tried to put on yesterday at the mall looked horrible on me. I want something pretty, preferably in silver or pink but what they offer in my size is probably more appropriate for attending a funeral.

I gave up and decided that I'm probably not going there anywhere because I won't get a date. Who wants to date a chubby dwarf like me? Fuck my life.

"Alice, what do you want for breakfast, sweetie? Mom asks me, sipping on the cup of coffee between her hands. She's the most beautiful and kindest person on earth. I wished I could look more like her but that's impossible because we're not genetically related. My birth mother is probably fat like me. Or she isn't and didn't want to keep me because I was fat and ugly in her eyes. The thought is hurtful and cramps around my heart but I try to shove it away as good as I can.

"Alice, what do you want to eat?"

"Nothing!"

"Don't raise your voice like that. You need to eat something in the morning."

"I NEED to lose weight."

"Oh sweetie, that's just baby fat. It will…,"

"It will not disappear. I'm seventeen now, Mom. That is too old for the baby fat excuse."

"You still need to eat—point. Do you want me to make you some fruit salad?"

I nod my head and when I hesitantly nibble on the first piece of pineapple a few minutes later Emmett rushes down the stairs, stuffing two pancakes at the same time between his lips when Mom puts them on his plate.

"You should try chewing your food before you swallow." I tell him, pouring myself a glass of diet coke. I love that shit. It's so delicious and it has no calories. A true gift from the gods.

"It's not like you are the kind of person to tell anyone how to eat."

"Emmett, stop teasing her all the time, it's not nice. Your sister has a heavy bone structure and…,"

"Mom, just drop it. I know that I'm fat. Emmett knows I'm fat. Dad knows I'm fat. The only one who doesn't want to admit it is you and you only do that because you love me."

"Oh sweetie,"

"We have to go now or we'll be late for school. Emmett?"

He pulled out his cell and typed a text into it.

"Rose will pick us up in a few. You'll still be riding with us. Will you?"

Like I have a choice since he crashed MY car against the garage a month ago. Dad is still having trouble with the insurance company and although I'm glad that nothing happened to my brother apart from a few scratches I'm still pissed he killed my Chevy. I really liked that car.

"Belly-Ali, are you going to ride with us or take the bus to school?"

Let me think. School bus—about 30 shitheads that make fun of me, Rosalie's car—only two of them…

I love my brother Emmett, I really do. He has a big mouth but that's just a façade, I know how he is like when he puts that guard down. It doesn't happen too often and sure as hell not at school where he's so desperate to keep up his role as the tough guy but I love him anyway.

Whom I don't particularly love is the skinny bitch who dares to call herself his girlfriend. Rosalie is everything I will never be—tall, blonde and slim. I hate her with the passion that all chubby girls feel towards the skinnier once.

Her pearly shimmering mouth curls up to a smile when she sees us and when Emmett wraps his arms around her tiny waist I stare down at the ground. Hopefully, they'll be soon done with eating off each other's faces. I bet that's the only thing Rosalie is having for breakfast anyway.

On our ride to school I try to ignore both, Rosalie and the awful rumbling in my stomach as good as I can. It's not working. I know there is a candy bar in my backpack and letting its chocolate melt on my tongue right now would make me feel better. After a few moments of inner struggling I pull it out. So, I'm going to have this and nothing more for the rest of the day. I can do it. I sure can.

The chocolate melts deliciously all over my tongue and my face turns into the brightest crimson under God's sun when Emmett grins at me through the rear-view mirror.

"Didn't you tell Mom that you wanted to lose your baby-fat?"

"Mind your own damn business." I snarl back at him, quickly stuffing the empty package back into my backpack. Damn it, I should have waited until I was alone before I ate the chocolate. Why do I have to be so weak and sugar horny?

I continue bitching at my poor brother until his Miss Perfect of a girlfriend steps in. She snarls at me and I snap back, calling her an anorexic bitch. One word leads to another and I'm sure that I'm going to take the bus tomorrow whether I want to or not. Or I could walk that would sure burn off a shitty amount of calories.

"Do you want to come to our place for Dinner tonight?" Emmett asks her, trying to change the topic of the conversation. I don't want to sit on the same table like her but there isn't much I can do about that. Maybe one day they'll break up and to be honest I hope that day will come soon. Emmett is too good to spend the rest of his life with someone who is so terribly superficial.

"I can't. My cousin from Arizona is moving in to live with us until she finds a place of her own and I'm trying to help her unpack after school."

"Is she pretty?"

"Does it matter?"

"Oh Babe, you are so effing cute when you are jealous. I'm just kidding. No one could ever be prettier than you."

Slim…slim…more slim. Do all guys act as silly as that when they are in love or has Barbie girl sort of brain washed him?

"She's good looking in a way. Not that much interested in makeup and stuff as far as I remember but pretty nonetheless."

The rest of this awful day passes soon. During lunch break I manage not to eat anything but that's not really a challenge because the food in the school cafeteria sucks beyond words.

Dad is already home when open the door and that is very unusual. He works too much and sometimes it feels as if he's living in the hospital and not at home with us.

"Hi baby girl. How was school?"

"Shitty like usual. You are back early. Are all of your patients dead yet and you have no one left to treat?"

He chuckled and leaned forward to plant a kiss on my forehead.

"Just taking a few days off to take your mother on a trip to Paris,"

"Can I come with you?"

"You have school to attend and despite that your mother and I need some alone time now and then."

I roll my eyes at that. My parents are OLD, sex isn't supposed to play a huge role in their life anymore. Arg, the thought is so gross…

"The whole family can go to Hawaii over Christmas though. It's beautiful there."

Like I want to go to any place where I had to wear a bathing suit, I would prefer dying as an option any time.

He cleared his throat and grabbed an apple from the counter, taking a bite from it before he spoke up again.

"I have hired someone for you."

"A babysitter? Are you trying to shit me? I don't need anyone to kiss me good night when you and Mom are gone."

"Miss Swan is not a babysitter and if I hired one it would most likely be for your brother and not you. I hope he doesn't destroy the house with his friends during one of his parties."

"I'll have an eye on that." I tell him, grabbing a cookie from the bowl on the table. I should not eat that but it's only one. One tiny cookie won't hurt that bad.

"So, Miss Swan is going to come here in a few minutes and I really hope you'll get along. Hiring her was expensive."

"What did you hire her for?"

"She's some sort of diet coach. A trainer that will help you to get your little weight problem under contr…,"

"WHAT THE FUCK! Why are you doing this to me? Do you have fun embarrassing me? You know what I'm off here."

"Stay and calm down, you're going to at least talk to that woman."

"You can talk to her if you want to! I sure as hell won't!"

I sniffed because I could already feel the tears building in my eyes. It was so very humiliating and I was so angry that he had considered doing something like that behind my back. A diet coach! Could this get any worse? I don't need some skinny bitch telling me that eating fries will not improve my chances on losing weight. It's a waste of time, money and the little bit of pride I have left.

Dad sighs and goes to open the door when the bell rings. I hear him talking in the hall. If he's smart, he'll send her away right now. What kind of mean person makes a living out of the misery of other people anyway? Thanks God Emmett is not here. He would so make fun of this embarrassing situation. Dad, I hate you!

"So, there she is, Miss Swan. That's my Alice."

"Hi Alice," she waves her hand at me and whether I want it to or not I have to admit that she's beautiful. Not just pretty or good looking but beautiful in every sense of the word. Her heart-shaped face is framed by long, silky shimmering mahogany curls and her eyes are the darkest shade of brown I have ever seen.

"Hi Miss Swan," I whisper, my mouth feeling suddenly way too dry to speak and so I reach for the bottle with the diet coke. When I'm just about to take the first sip she reaches out her hand, the silver bracelets around her wrist clicking against my skin and pulls the bottle away from me.

"You need to stop drinking crap like that." With that she pours the rest of my favorite drink down the sink. "Oh and you don't have to call me Miss Swan, that makes me feel old. Bella will do just fine."


	2. Chapter 2

**[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM**

****Oreo Cookies****

I sip on the disgusting luck warm water and try very hard not to bitch out at her. It would be my normal reaction in case someone had done to me what she has but somehow I can't find it in me to be angry. It's more like I'm irritated. She has asked Dad very politely to leave so that she can speak to me in private and yet although he's been gone for almost half an hour she hasn't talked anything about the awful diet plan she's going to force me on. Bella tells me that she's from Arizona and recently divorced. I find that she's the prettiest person I have met in a very long time. I bet that silver dress would look heavenly on her while it looked like crap on me. Everything looks like crap on me because I have hips like a cow and a bloated stomach like a fucking whale. I hate my body.

"Do you have any questions?"

"No,"

"You seem a bit angry. Was it your idea to hire me or your father's?"

I sigh and grab the bowl with the cookies to eat one of them. It's embarrassing to eat in front of her but maybe if she sees it, she'll realize how completely hopeless this project is.

"It was his idea, but he should better donate the money to some none-profit organization that helps to feed kids in the third world."

"It's a good thing that you care about others and I think that your father cares a lot about your happiness too. That's the reason why he hired me."

"He hired you because I'm fat and he's probably ashamed of it—that's why." My voice cracks while I speak and instantly the image of my birth mother turning her back on the ugly, overweight toddler comes to my mind. Crap, I'm going to cry. I can't cry in front of her. It's too embarrassing.

"I don't think your father is ashamed of you because you're overweight. He just doesn't want you to feel bad about yourself anymore. Do you know how heavy you are exactly?"

I drop the half of the cookie on the table and stand up again, knowing that she'll expect me to answer her but I don't want to. This is humiliating and I want to crawl under the blankets in my room and just hide for the rest of my life.

"Do you have a scale?"

"Bathroom," I croak out and she grabs her hand around my wrist when I show her the way.

When I pull the thing out and step on it I feel the tears burning in my eyes but I blink and swallow then back. Maybe she's going to faint if she sees the number on the scale. Or she'll ask Dad for some extra money for extremely difficult cases.

Her face stays calm while she writes down the devastating truth on a small tablet. I'm already glad she doesn't laugh.

"How tall are you?" she asks, scrawling some more notes down into that little tablet.

"4.7…I'm tall for a dwarf."

"You don't seem to feel very confident with how you look and you don't seem very content with your body size."

"Thumbelina…Half-pint…dwarf…shorty…whatever kind of stupid nicknames are out there for people my height someone has already used it. I could live with that but being too fat and too short is just too much of a burden for one person."

I start crying and bury my face in my hands. Hopefully, she'll leave now. I don't want her to see how much this affects me emotionally. I'm ugly and here's this pretty woman who's probably never tried a pair of jeans and didn't fit into them. How can she understand how I feel? Why would she care anyway?

Then I feel her hand under my chin and when I hesitantly raise my head again her lips curl up into a warm smile. She's even more beautiful when she smiles, I think, and suddenly my face feels a bit warmer.

"Are you crying because you are sad or because you are embarrassed?"

"A bit of both, I guess."

"Well, I can't do very much if you are sad because that's understandable to a certain extent. People are giving you a hard time about your weight and that's hurting you. Plus, you are still at High School and that's hard enough without sticking out physically in a way."

"I want to be invisible."

"I can't do that for you, Alice but I'm here to make you feel better about yourself. Look, have you tried to lose weight before?"

"A few times,"

"Do you exercise?"

Apart from those torturous hours I have to endure at School—Sure as hell not. The thing is I detest sports with all of my heart. It sucks, badly. I have no hand –eye-coordination whatsoever and if I try to run I have trouble with my tits bouncing up and down. Swimming would probably be fine if it wouldn't require to be performed barely dressed.

"Alice, do you do any kind of sports?"

I shake my head and sigh deeply, pulling a tissue of my jeans to clean my nose.

"I hate sports. Always have, always will."

"Well, then it'll be one of my challenges to change your attitude about that."

"I hope my father pays you well enough for that."

"It's okay, thanks you but I'll probably still take on some more private clients apart from my gym classes so that I can move out of my Uncle's house as soon as possible. My cousin is going on my nerves and I have trouble overplaying that. Rosie thinks that…,"

"Rosie? As in Rosalie Hale? That's your cousin?"

"Do you know her from school? Is she one of the people picking on you? Because if she is, just ignore her. She's not worth to listen to."

"She's my brother Emmett's girlfriend."

"Oh the Football hottie, I see."

"I don't really think they make a good match."

We walk back into the kitchen and I open the fridge for another bottle of diet coke.

"This crap of a drink and your goal to lose some weight don't make a good match."

I turn around and provocatively slowly I lift the bottle up my lips. It's cool and refreshing and best of all so deliciously sweet.

"Do you know what's in there?"

"I know what's not in there, fat and sugar. It has no calories. Isn't that supposed to be good?"

"It's unhealthy. If you drink that your blood sugar rushes up just to plop down again shortly after and when that happens you'll get hungry. We'll have to break that circle somehow."

"I'll die if I don't get my diet coke."

"I assure you that you won't. Now, from starting tomorrow I want you to drink half of your body weight in ounces of water. Only water, no soda, no vanilla latte's, no juices…no…,"

"Can I at least pour some crystal light in it for some flavor?"

"You remind me of an alcoholic who keeps asking for a beer."

"You are heartless."

"I'm here to help you and if that requires you thinking I'm heartless, let it be. I've been called heartless by my ex often enough during the divorce."

"I'm sorry about that."

"It's okay. I'm done with that part of my life. Just let me give you an advice and that one is actually for free. Don't get married straight out of school. It's a big mistake."

For a moment her eyes look glassy and sad. I don't want them to look that way. I wonder what kind of a low life her ex-husband must have been.

"How long have you been married?"

"Almost three years but I'd like not to talk about it that much. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry." I whisper again while she quickly braids her long hair and twists it up into a knot in her neck. I like it better when she wears it down. It makes her look younger.

She pulls a grey plastic bag out of her handbag and holds it up in front of me.

"Your candy, Alice, all of it, I want you to put it in here." she stats, sounding unnecessarily strict now.

"No," I snarl at her. Even if I'm not allowed to eat them, I still want them to be here in case I want some. It makes me feel better to know it's there.

"Do you want to stay your current clothing size? Candy is not going to help you get thin. Or have you developed some super-new form of chocolate diet?"

"No, I don't. But I…,"

"No but. Give it to me. It's not banned from you forever. You'll get a tiny bit of it when you start making some progress."

I take a deep breath and pull out the boxes of chocolates and caramels. When I'm done I give her one of my I-hate-you-looks. She's already taken away my diet coke. Now she's stealing my beloved Oreo cookies and the Twizzlers. I bet if I had a boyfriend she'd snag him from me too.

Yeah, like you'll ever get one with that ass of yours. The truth is I don't really want one. Guys are gross. They smell of hair gel and cheap deodorant from the One Dollar Shop in the Mall. I've only been in love once and that has been in fifth grade when Jasper borrowed me his scissors for my Art project. He used to be kind of cute but now he hangs out with the wrong people and I actually think that he' smoking weed or some crap like that. He seems totally stoned sometimes. I wonder why they don't kick him out of School.

"Is that everything or do you have something hidden in your room as well?"

I blush and nod my head. Crap, why didn't you just lie to her? You are so fucking stupid, Alice!

The entire way up to my room I keep reproaching myself but I eventually find comfort in the thought of my super-secret emergency candy box in my School looker. No way, she's going to find that one.

I pull out the cartoon from under my bed and hand her each of my candy bars in a theatrical gesture. There you go my friends…

"I'll come back tomorrow with your eating plan. Do you have any allergies that I should know about?"

"No, I don't."

"That's good, makes my work way easier for me."

She clears her throat and nibbles on her lower lip before she speaks up again.

"There is another thing I want you to do until tomorrow. I want you to write down a list of reasons why you do want to lose the weight and we'll discuss it during our next meeting."

When she's gone I sit down on the edge of my bed and hug my teddy bear for a moment before I pull out a sheet of paper and a pen to scrawl down the sentences.

_I want to fit into the prettiest dress for Prom_

_I want to be able to shop clothes outside the plus size area._

_I want to have a waist_

_I want to have thighs that don't rub against each other when you walk_

_I want to have visual cheekbones_

_I want Emmett and the others to stop calling me Belly-Ali all the time._

_I want people to think me beautiful_

_I want to be light enough so that someone can carry me around_

_I want someone to fall in love with me_

_I want to get kissed until I can't breathe_


	3. Chapter 3

**[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM**

****Reese's Peanut Butter Cupcake****

I hate School more than anything and the fact that I have to go there every week day is like pure torture for me. My attempts on convincing my parents to quit haven't brought the result I hoped for. Mom doesn't understand why I want to, for my grades are currently way better than Emmett's and of course it's way too humiliating to tell her that I'm being bullied by my classmates. I envy Emmett so much and I would very gladly change his crappy grades with him anytime if it meant me getting something comparably close to a social life. I want to be popular, even if it's just for one day, just to know how that feels like.

Everyone keeps making fun of me because I'm fat and I feel so much like punching all those shitheads into their stupid grinning faces. I don't do it though because I was raised better. I was raised to be a nice girl who smiles a lot. So, I swallow all the crap they throw at me and try to comfort myself by nibbling on a Reese's cupcake in the desperate hope that the delicious combination of peanut butter and chocolate will brighten up my mood.

It's not working, but I finish the package anyway and I take another sip from the bottle of water in front of me. I wonder if it's possible to pee out fat? Is that the reason why Bella wanted me to drink so much of this tasteless stuff? I miss my diet coke. Diet coke is like water, just with taste. Why did she forbid me to drink that?

Speak of the devil and…

"Morning, Alice. How's it going?" she asks me cheerfully, twisting around on the short excuse of a skirt she's wearing today. Her legs are toned and slim. I try not to look at them too long, it's too frustrating. She has the perfect body and I'm stuck in Fat-Assed-Land. It's so unfair.

What the fuck is she doing HERE?

"What are you doing here?" I stumble out trying to shove the empty foil back into the pockets of my jacket. It's too late. She's already seen it. How embarrassing.

"I'm here to bring Rosie some of her stuff that she's forgotten at home but the much more interesting question is; what are you doing here outside?"

"I'm having lunch break." I mumble towards the ground.

"Firstly, Reese's Peanut Buttercup's are not what I would consider an appropriate food for lunch and secondly…why are you eating here and not in the cafeteria like the rest of the students."

"I just don't want to and what I'm having for lunch is not your business! I'm having a shitty day, so leave me alone." I snarl at her, hoping that she will just piss off now. I can't handle her being here and shoving it into my face how wrong everything is that I'm doing. I know that for myself but there isn't anything I can do against it.

She sighs and sits down next to me. I don't look up at her though and bury my face against my thighs.

"What you eat is my business, Alice. Do you always stuff down sweet stuff when you are upset?"

"I'm not upset." I whisper, trying to keep on breathing in and out very deeply through my nose. The tears are in my eyes again and I blink desperately so that they don't fall. I don't want to cry in front of her. She wouldn't understand and think me weak. Let's face it Cullen—you are weak.

Then I feel her arm around my shoulder and a split second later I'm cradled against her chest and she starts rubbing my back and my hair. It feels nice and although I still feel like crying it's so incredibly comforting that she cares. I don't understand why she cares because, listening to my embarrassing problems is sure as hell not part of her job arrangement.

"It's okay to feel upset when they are mean to you. Trust me; half of these morons are going to end up in shitty part-time jobs cleaning the houses that you are going to design." She stats after a few minutes.

"Did my Dad tell you about the architecture stuff?"

"He seems to enjoy talking about you a lot. Now, have you ever tried something else when you were upset apart from comforting yourself with candy?"

"I don't know."

"We'll find something. Do you have shoes to run with? It could help you to let off a bit of steam."

I was just starting to like this woman a tiny bit and now she's suggesting the most horrible thing on earth to me. Me and running? Is this supposed to be a sick joke?

"Do, I have to?" I whisper anxiously.

"Alice, let's make this clear. Your father is paying me whether you lose the weight or not. I'm not forcing you to do anything. It's your choice."

"I want to lose weight but running is just so terribly awful for me and…," I stop midsentence when I see Rosalie's skinny body walking towards us. Crap, now she's going to find out that her cousin is working as my Fat Coach. Earth, please, open up and swallow me. Do it, just do it right now.

"Hi Bella, thanks for bringing me my books,"

"You are welcome, honey."

"What are talking here with her? That's Emmet's annoying sister Belly-Ali."

"Rose, stop calling her that name. It's just childish and rude."

"But it's funny."

"Does it look as if I'm laughing? Look, I want you to stop with this constant teasing. It's not fair."

"Are you her bodyguard now?" Rosalie mumbled, pulling another sugar-free gum out of her jeans. She's always chewing this stuff when she's not in class. I wonder how much weight I could lose if lived of nothing but water and this for a week. I bet the results would be fantastic.

"Bella, are you working for her or what?"

"No, I'm not, but I don't like it when you're being mean. I bet you're not too keen on letting your classmates see a picture of you with your braces and glasses on."

Miss Perfect wearing braces and glasses? Can, I have that picture please?

They talk to each other for a few minutes until the shrill sound of the bell makes me stand up again. On the way to our Chemistry class Rosalie places her manicured hand on my arm.

"Please don't mention the braces to anyone. I really don't want people to call me Rabbit Rosie to my face again. I had enough of that before we moved back here from Rochester three years ago."

"Your embarrassing secret is safe with me." I whisper, sitting down on my place in the last row. Instead of taking her seat next to Vera she drops her backpack on the seat next to me.

"Mind if sit here for this hour? I really need to improve my grades or my Mom is going to forbid me to see Emmett. She can't stand him anyway and insists that I'd better not broken up with Royce and…,"

"Miss Hale, Miss Cullen, would you like to share your conversation with the rest of the class?"

I bury my face in the book in front of me and somehow, in a wondrously way this day isn't as horrible as I expected it to be and when I sit down on the Dinner table a few hours later I'm almost happy. That is until my mother places the broccoli on my plate and we're not talking about that kind of broccoli underneath a thick layer of creamy cheese sauce. It's just awful, yucky, green broccoli.

Emmett rolls his eyes when Mom places some of it on his plate too.

"Why do I have to eat this crap just because she's fat? I don't need to lose weight."

"Right, son, what you need to do is to improve your grades and you better do that fast. I know you're not stupid just terribly lazy." Dad tells him, sipping on his wine.

"I'll get a Sport Scholarship anyway."

"Amen to that." Mom whispers, wiping her mouth on a napkin.

"Can Rosie come here for Dinner Saturday night?"

"Again? What's wrong with her eating at her own place? The two of you are spending too much time together." Dad stats, his face turning into a frown.

"Because we love each other,"

Because you like to dry hump each other and suck each other's faces whenever the opportunity presents itself; I wonder if they've already done _it_.

"Love, love, love, you don't even know what love is. Now, eat the broccoli and shut up."

Dad seems a bit tensed somehow and I bet that's because he's working too much. The trip to Paris is a wonderful idea, I wished they would allow me to come with them.

Somehow he doesn't like the fact that Emmett and Rosalie are dating. She's distracting him from School as he puts it but the truth is that my brother never had that much interest in studying even before he and the blonde cheerleader got together.

I wished I had someone to distract me from School…

Half-heartedly I nibble on the broccoli and when it is vanished from my plate I help Mom to load the dish washer before she walks up to her room to finish packing.

"No parties here while we are gone, are we clear about that, son?"

"But I'm still allowed to invite some friends over to hang out, am I?"

"Whatever hanging out means…," Dad mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

"Just promise me that the furniture will be still intact when we come back from Europe."

I walk upstairs and take a shower, trying to avoid looking into the mirror on the wall. I don't want to look at myself naked. It's so soul-destroying. Everything is too round and too much and I hate my bloated stomach so badly I could pinch it.

Quickly, I change into a pair of comfy flannel pajamas and cuddle under my blanket. Then I pull out my beloved copy of Alice in Wonderland and start reading through the familiar pages. When I was a little girl I made Mom read the story to me every night before I went to sleep. I was obsessed with it and utterly convinced that I was the Alice from the book. Today, I know different of course but I still love the story and mostly the parts when Alice changes her size by drinking or eating something.

That's what I needed in real life—some sort of magic pill that will melt all my unnecessary body fat overnight. The thought makes me smile and with that smile on my face I drift into sleep.

The dream is weird, like all those kinds of dream when you exactly know that you are dreaming. I'm at School and everyone is cheering Belly-Ali and Wobble-Cullen after me and I'm sitting there and the tears are running down my face. It's a nightmare and I want so badly to wake up to end it but I can't. Then suddenly there is Bella and she pulls me out of the classroom. Her fingers wipe away the tears from my cheeks and when her mouth curls into a smile I can't help but smile back.

She leans forward very slowly and her lips touch against mine.

I wake up with my heart still racing in my chest and my skin covered in a thin layer of sweat. What in heaven's name was that supposed to be? I am not gay, so why am I dreaming about kissing her?

I replay the scene in my head over and over again and although I try very, very hard not to like it, I can't help it. She's so beautiful and I bet she knows how to kiss with tongue and all that stuff. Having my first kiss with her would surely be better than kissing any of the shitheads at school.


	4. Chapter 4

**[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM**

****Twizzlers****

Today is going to be a crappy day, I already know that when the shrill beeping sound of my alarm clock wakes me up way too early for my personal liking. It's still dark outside and I rub my tired eyes for a moment, wondering if I should just skip school today. Mom and Dad are gone, so who's there to care?

Emmett makes some noise downstairs in the kitchen and I wonder if he'll manage to burn down the house while attempting to prepare breakfast. My stomach growls and I really feel like eating but I want to be strong for once in my life. I want to fit into that goddamn dress and most of all, whether that is a good reason or not I want to impress Bella. She's so beautiful and although she's definitely out of my league, firstly because she's too pretty for me and secondly because I'm so not gay, I still want to impress her with my rapid weight loss.

I walk down the stairs and the scent of burned bacon reaches my nose making me wrinkle it in disgust.

"Are you trying to cook?" I ask him, taking a look at the disgusting mess that keeps sticking to the pan.

"Morning to you, I don't understand how Mom manages to do this shit. The eggs are still raw and the bacon is burned."

I open the window to let a bit fresh air in before I sit down on the table and try to suppress the urge to make myself a peanut butter sandwich. After a few minutes I give up and pull the jar out of the cupboard. I make one for me and two for Emmett who stuffs them down with a glass of milk straight out of the carton. Wonder if he knows we have glasses?

"Will you cook something for Dinner? I would eat at Rose's house but her mother doesn't seem to like me very much."

I shake my head and his face turns into a frown.

"Are you still dieting, because it doesn't look like it," he stats, pointing at the half-finished sandwich between my fingers.

"Mind your own business and if Rose's mother can't stand you that's completely understandable because you are stupid and mean."

I throw the rest of my sandwich in the trash and turn around to leave the room. If I cry in front of him it will be awkward.

"Alice? You're not mad at me now. Are you?"

"Leave me alone!"

I make it to my room and close the door behind me with a loud bang. Then I sit down on the edge of my bed and hug my teddy, soaking it with the tears that keep falling down my cheeks no matter how hard I try to fight them back.

"Alice, look I'm sorry."

"Just because I won't cook for you? You can order Pizza if you want to. Mom left some money here for that."

The bed squeaks when he sits down next to me.

"I don't want you to be sad because of something I said."

"I'm used to people making fun of me for being fat."

"I don't make fun of you. I just like to tease you a bit. We always used to do that to each other when we were little. Have you forgotten?"

"Maybe,"

He wraps his arm around me and pulls a package of Twizzlers out, handing me one stripe in a theatrical gesture. I take it and enjoy how the fruity flavor fills my mouth. They are supposed to be low fat and that almost makes them a healthy snack, doesn't it?

"I'm going to have a little party here tonight."

"Emmett, I know how your little parties turn out. This is not a good idea."

"Oh Alice, try to relax a bit. It's going to be fun."

How much fun it is I have to figure out a few hours later. The problem with this so called parties is that Emmett knows way too many people and he has trouble telling any of those shitheads no, when it comes to these events. Someone managed to buy beer and other shit with a faked ID and now half of my brother's teammates are boozing in our living room.

It's awful and I'm so going to make my brother clean up the mess in case one of them blows. That reminds me of the fact that I haven't seen him in a good while. I walk up the stairs to his room and knock on the door.

No one answers but a few awkward moments later he opens the door.

"What do you want?"

"I want you to tell your stupid friends to leave. They are turning our house into a dumpster."

"Oh Belly-Ali, try to relax a bit. Have fun. Drink a beer."

"I don't want to drink."

"Then stay in your room and be a party pooper as usually."

"I fucking hate you!"

"Fine, if it makes you happy. Do you have condoms?"

"What for should I need them?" My voice shrills in my ears and the stupid chuckle that escapes his mouth a split second later makes me want to punch him straight into his guts. I know that I would hurt myself doing so and hitting people is not an option anyway.

"I'll go and see if Dad has some," he mutters, leaving me standing in the doorframe like some sort of idiot.

"Hi Ali," Rosalie greets me, fumbling around to close the buttons on her blouse. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes are a bit glassy.

"How's it going?" I ask her, taking a step inside the terrible mess that is Emmett's room. If I ever have a boyfriend and his room should look anything close to this I'll break up with him.

"Pretty fine and you?"

"I'm nervous, like really nervous. This is not how I expected my first…, oh there he comes again."

Emmett looks white like chalk and his lips are trembling. I wonder if he's going to be sick now. Stupid alcohol, I don't understand what kind of kick that gives people.

"You have to leave."

"Yeah, sure, it's not like I want to watch."

"Not you. Her."

"What? Why?"

"Call your cousin to pick you up if you can't drive yourself but you have to leave."

"Emmett, I don't understand why."

"Because we have to break up….You and I are over. Got it! Now, pack your shit together and leave!"

"Emmett, please, don't do that. You said you loved me."

"To get into your pants, that's all."

"I hate you Cullen! I hope you rot somewhere in hell!" She starts sobbing and I put my arm around her, pulling her out of Emmett's room.

I know he's lying. He cares for her and now he's behaving like some sort of asshole. I don't understand why.

"He's so mean. I hate him! What have I done wrong?"

I don't know what to answer her and so I just hold her, sitting on the first step until a few minutes later the doorbell goes and I stand up to open the door for Bella, who instantly pulls the crying girl against her chest.

"It's okay, sweetie."

"He said he loves me. He said we'd be together forever. He…he…said…he loves me."

"Oh sweetie, they always say that. Now, let me get you home. Did you have a bag with you?"

"It's still in his room. I don't want to go back there."

"I'll get it for you." I whisper softy.

Inside his room Emmett is hovering on the edge of the bed, holding a half empty bottle of wine between his hands. His eyes look lifeless.

"Is she still here?"

"She has a name. Why did you break up with her anyway? I know you like her."

"You don't understand. I…I just can't. Tell her I'm sorry."

"Tell her yourself, when you are sober again." I snarl at him, picking up her handbag from the ground.

Bella helps me to get everyone out of the house within minutes and afterwards she helps me to clean up the Living room and the kitchen while Rosalie sits on the couch and cries. I feel bad for her. My brother is such a dick.

"Thanks," I mumble when she hands me the last two empty bottles.

"I feel like kicking your brother where it really hurts. Rosie is such a mess."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't have to be. It's not your fault. Have you finished that list I asked you to do?"

I nod my head and pull the sheet of paper out of my jeans pocket. Why in heaven's name have I carried that around with me all the time?

She reads through it and now and then her lips curl into the attempt of a smile.

"It's a long list."

"I know."

"I like the part with the kissing. That's cute somehow."

"It's embarrassing."

"No, it's not. So, tomorrow is Saturday and I'd like to start your sport program then. We'll take it easy. Don't worry."

XXXX

I hate sports, I hate sports, I hate sports, did I mention that I hate sports? I repeat that phrase over and over in my head while I try to ignore the aching pain in my left side. My knees are hurting too and I feel the sweat pearls pouring down my face. I bet it is red like a ripe tomato now. I fucking hate this sports crap so very much.

"That's enough." My drill instructor announces cheerfully and I fall back against a tree behind me, panting hectically.

A moment later she transforms magically into nice Bella again and sits down next to me, handing me a bottle of water that I empty thirstily.

"It's going to get easier with time. You should have seen me before I started to work out regularly."

"Are you trying to tell me that you were fat?"

"I don't like that word too much. It's so judging."

"Fat is still fat even if you find a nicer description for it." I mumble, rubbing the sweat from my forehead.

"I'm not so sure about that. Well, to kill your curiosity. I wasn't much overweight but I was terribly unfit and clumsy. Then I wanted to get in shape for my wedding and that's basically the story of how I and fitness got together, a love to last eternity. Too bad, I can't say that about my marriage."

"Can I ask you why you broke up with each other?"

"Can I ask you why you eat too much?"

"I don't know. There isn't a reason."

"But you eat candy when you are unhappy and that's not a very smart thing to do."

"I know."

"Look, I've reread your list and there are two things on it that I don't grasp."

"Huh?"

"Firstly, I don't like it that you mention with no word something like being healthier and that should actually be your main goal apart from all the others like fitting into some certain dress and that kind of stuff. Your health needs to be on a higher priority in your life. When you put something in your mouth I want you not to wonder how many calories-smellories are inside of that but if the food you are going to eat will do anything good for your body."

"You mean like vitamins and shit?"

"Sort of, we can discuss your meal plan when we come back to your house but I suggest you take a hot shower before we do that. Your muscles will be sore enough though, I'm afraid we can't do too much about that."

"I'll be okay."

"Secondly, I feel like we have to work quite a bit on your self-esteem. I mean, how can you not think yourself pretty?"

"I'm not pretty."

"Oh, but you are…you have beautiful hair and a sweet face and those huge brown eyes. I think you're gorgeous and it'll be my goal to make you see it as well."


	5. Chapter 5

**[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM**

****Life Savers****

The next morning when I wake up every single muscle in my body is sore and I would preferably spend the rest of the day in bed if the time on my alarm clock wouldn't be showing me that Bella would be here in less than thirty minutes. So, I force myself to take a shower and carefully dry my hair afterwards so that the black curls frame my face in soft waves. She's right, I think. At least my hair is pretty to a certain extent. I like its color, wondering if I have inherited from my mother or my father's side. There is so much I would like to know.

A pile of shirts and blouses lands on my bed while I desperately try to find something that will make me look a tiny bit skinnier than I am. Eventually I give up and throw on a purple sweater and a pair of black jeans. I'm just about to apply some lip balm on my mouth when the doorbell rings.

I rush downstairs but when I open the door there is no mahogany haired beauty starring back at me.

"Howdie?" Jasper mumbles, stuffing some mints between his lips. His eyes have the same slight reddish undertone like always and his fingers are trembling when he runs them through his greasy hair.

"Your bro is here, I guess?"

What the fuck does Emmett have to do with him? Jasper is a freak and into deep shit according to the rumors that are spreading about Maria, his current girlfriend. Several people have told me that they've seen her selling some stuff in little plastic bags behind the Gym. It's so creepy and wrong.

Why in heaven's name would Emmett want to hang out with that kind of people?

"Hey there," My brother mutters when he walks down the stairs and high fives Jasper who grins coyly at him.

"What is Jasper doing here and since when are the two of you friends with each other?"

"None of your business, Belly-Ali, so why don't you go, and eat some chocolate pie instead of sticking your nose into stuff, that has nothing to do with you?"

"Stop talking to your sister like that!"

I turn around and Bella's eyes narrow angrily while she glares at my brother and his new-found buddy. Emmett frowns and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He's going to make a stupid comment now, I'm sure about that but his lips stay pressed together.

"I'm not done with you, asshole. What you did to Rosie during your stupid party was cruel. She really liked you a lot and she trusted you but you spite on her feelings. How's it like to know you've broken someone heart? Just get out of my eyes before I forget myself!"

Em ducks his head and disappears in his room, together with Jasper who keeps chuckling the entire time.

"I'm sorry about that outburst but Rosie cried the entire night because she's so miserable and I tend to get grumpy when I don't get enough sleep."

I nod my head and follow her into the kitchen where she pulls a folder out of her handbag.

"Do you want coffee?" I ask her, filling some water into the machine.

"Coffee would be nice. Thank you. Did you have breakfast already?"

"I usually try to skip that." I mumble, sitting down on the chair opposite to her. My stomach growls and I can only pray that she won't be able to hear it.

"Why?"

"Because I'm already too fat,"

"You need to eat regularly. If you starve yourself you will only end up snacking on candy on stuff. Do you have cereals here?"

"I think so."

"Fine, I want you to have some with a bit of low fat milk and fruits. You need to eat more of them anyway. If you get hungry between meals it's smarter to eat an apple or a banana instead of chocolate."

I pour her a cup of the steaming hot coffee before I grab a bowl and begin slicing a banana on top of the cereals. When I'm finished I return to the table.

She pours a sip of the milk into her coffee and shoves it over to me.

"I'm going to eat later."

"Aren't you hungry yet?"

Of course, I'm hungry but you can't expect me to eat in front of you so that you can comment on every bite I take. She smiles at me and when her eyes find mine I feel a strange tingling somewhere deep down in my stomach that irritates me so much that I accidentally drop the milk all over the table.

"I'm sorry about that." I murmur, wiping it up again while I hope my hair is able to hide my embarrassed blush to a certain extent. She's making me nervous. Her presence is making me nervous. There's the tingling inside me again. Am I going to be sick?

"It's okay. Don't you want to eat while I'm here?"

Lie, Alice…

"Yes. I don't like eating in front of others and in front of you, it's especially hard. You think you know everything better and I bet you never made a single mistake while you tried to get the weight off for your wedding."

"Oh Alice, for such a smart girl you are really stupid sometimes. This is not some test where you can fail or succeed. If you do want to lose the weight you have to accept that you will mess up now and then. That's normal. And just for your information, I messed up more than once and back then I always blamed my poor fucker of a fiancé for it."

"Were you in love with him?" I whisper and somehow my heart starts beating a bit faster in my chest.

"I don't know. I thought I was but…well, things change. People change. Aren't we here because you want to change?"

WE are here because MY father is paying you for torturing me with sports and all this stuff. I realize that my only way to keep her in my life is to follow her rules. Dad is not stupid. If I don't lose weight he'll cut off the lessons with her. I don't want that to happen. I like talking to her. I like looking at her.

God, Alice, compose yourself for crying out loud. You sound like you have a crush on her; what you don't do because you are not gay.

And what if I am gay?

"You look as if you are thinking very hard about something. Look, if there is anything you'd like to know you can ask me. Don't be shy."

You want me to ask you if I'm gay? For real?

"It's nothing." I whisper eventually, pouring the milk over my cereals. Slowly I put the spoon to my mouth and start swallowing bite after bite while she types messages into her cell. Every now and then it vibrates and her forehead wrinkles in frustration.

"Everything okay?" I ask, finishing the rest of my breakfast. She nods her head and when I stand up again from my chair I groan because my muscles feel so terribly stiff and sore.

"I can't do this running thing again. I'm too sore."

"That will pass, trust me. Take a hot shower. That helps."

"I already had one."

"I'll show you some stretching exercises. Let's go somewhere with a bit more space."

In the Living room she helps me to shove our couch out of the way. Her hands are warm, even through the fabric of my sweater when she places them on my hip.

"Bend forward. Grab your ankle and pull it backwards. Stop if it starts hurting."

I do as she tells me and although I have to admit that it feels indeed good to stretch my sore muscles, the main reason I'm enjoying this is because of her. Her left leg rubs against my hipbone to support me from falling flat on my nose and I feel suddenly very warm between my thighs.

"I like your shirt. Purple's my favorite color."

"Hmm."

Her cell starts playing some classic piano melody and when she picks up the call she snarls into the receiver.

"Haven't I told you to leave me the fuck alone? Don't call me anymore. Don't text me anymore. Don't send me letters. I'm going to hang up now. Good bye, Jake."

"Was that your ex?"

She nods her head and when shoves down the cell into her handbag she wipes a tear form her eye. I wonder if he's giving her a hard time about the breakup. I wonder why they split up. Damn it, Alice, this so none of your business.

"Our next appointment is on Monday. Try to enjoy the rest of your weekend. Mine is already ruined enough."

"Because of him?"

"Kind of...He ruined my Date by calling Edward and telling him God knows what kind of crap about me. Jake is such an asshole."

"Well, your date is an idiot if he believes him."

"Thanks. What are you going to do tonight?"

I shrug my shoulders and sit down on the edge of the couch. She seems to hesitate for a moment but then her lips curl up into a smile. I like when she smiles. My insides tingle.

"You could be my Date for tonight. I already have the tickets for the movie we were planning to see. Please do me the favor and come with me. Rose will probably not feel like going out at the moment."

"Probably not, I'm sorry my brother is an asshole."

"He's just a guy. They don't do to well with the whole emotion stuff. Now are you going to come with me?"

"Sure, I will. Can you pick me up? My brother killed my car and I don't think Dad is going to replace it any time soon."

"I'll be here at seven." she tells me and then to my huge surprise she hugs me and plants kiss on my cheek.

"See you later, Alice."

I nod my head and remain frozen in place, unable to move. My cheek is glowing where she kissed it and my heart is racing worse than during our jogging session. I feel dizzy.

Am I in love with her? Does that feel like that? What if I am in love with her? What if I'm…

I can hear the slamming of doors upstairs and a moment later I hear purging noises from the bathroom. Jasper walks down the stairs, chuckling and grinning like the fucked-up maniac, he is.

"Gotta go now, Belly-Ali. Maybe you should take a look at your brother. Doesn't seem to have a very strong stomach, the poor guy."

"You piece of shit. What did you give him?"

He laughs and staggers out of the door without answering me. Stupid freak…

I walk upstairs and knock before I open the bathroom door. Glad that he has opened the window to remove a bit of the vomit stench. Emmett's eyes are red and when I kneel down next to him on the cold floor he starts sobbing like a little child. I wrap my arm around him and rub his back but he doesn't calm down for a very long time.

"I miss her. I miss her so much."

He pulls out a foil package with two little jagged pills in it. I grab it and flush it down the toilet.

"Stupid bitch, that costs 30 bucks."

"I won't watch you starting with shit like that. If you want to sort things out between you and Rosalie, go and call her. Send her flowers. Girls love flowers."

"Rosie hates flowers. She likes cars. She's the best. I love her so much…oh fuck…oh fuck..,"

"Emmett, if you like her why did you break up with her?"

He wipes his nose on his shirt and sniffs twice before he answers me.

"Maybe you should better ask that question Dad when he comes back next week."


	6. Chapter 6

**[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM**

****Butter Popcorn****

This is not a date; I try to remind myself when I apply a second layer of mascara on my lashes. My traitorous heart is beating frantically in my chest, and I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans while I try to calm myself down.

I am nervous and I don't want the reason of my nervousness to find out about it. That would be way too embarrassing. Bella can never know that I like her, like her as in _like_ her.

So, obviously I'm not cursed enough by being a fatty, no, now I have to be a fucking dyke on top of it as well. My face gets warm when I think about Bella and how her pretty face lights up in a smile. She's so beautiful and even if she were into girls, what is very unlikely, she definitely wouldn't be interested in dating me.

This is not a Date. I repeat in my head and after the hundredth time I'm already convinced of it. That is until I open the front door and my eyes capture the beautiful brunette in front of me. She's wearing the shortest version of a black skirt I have ever seen on someone and I instantly want nothing more than to run my fingers up her slim calves to feel how smooth the skin is there.

Knowing that I should stop starring I force myself to raise my head and simultaneously twitch my lips upwards into a probably idiotic looking grin.

"Hi, Bella, you look really nice."

And you sound really stupid…

"Thanks. I would never have dared to wear that skirt on a date with a guy. It kind of gives them the wrong impression or something like that, I guess. Are you ready to go?"

I nod my head and swallow hard, following her to her car that turns out to be a completely rust covered version of a Chevy Truck.

"Nice car."

"Are you kidding me? This piece of crap doesn't go one mile over fifty. I only bought it because it was so cheap and I need to save all my money for moving out from my uncle's house."

"At least you do have a car. My father was so furious when Emmett crashed mine. He says we are both too immature to drive responsively."

"Your brother, yes…definitely. He fucked up Rosie pretty badly. She locked herself in her room with a huge package of ice-cream and some corny soap operas."

"I'm sorry, that he hurt her."

"You don't have to apologize for him being a moron. Guys are difficult, especially at this age. Sad thing is that most of them stay that way even when you assume they have finally grown up a bit."

She parks the car in front of the Movie Theatre and turns off the engine. When she leans over to grab her handbag from the glove box her bare forearm touches against my left knee and an electric current goes straight through my entire body.

"You ok?" she asks, noticing my now much likely crimson red face.

"Yes, sure, I'm fine, just a bit too warm probably."

"Better too warm than too cold, my fingers are icy."

I take her hand between mine and rub it gently for a few moments until a low sigh escapes her lips.

"That's so much better. You are like my personal heating pad."

"Hmm,"

"I have to warn you about the movie. It's probably going to be awful. Edward chose it and he has terrible taste when it comes to stuff like that."

I don't give a goddamn shit about the movie as long as you'll be sitting next to me.

"I'm sure it will be alright." I murmur, stepping out of the car.

The scent of buttered popcorn enters my nose and my stomach starts rumbling. I'm hungry but I don't want to eat stuff like popcorn in front of Bella. I want to prove to her that I can stick to this awful diet.

"Do you want some?" she asks me, and I don't know if I should better laugh or cry right now.

"Popcorn wasn't on the food list you gave me as far as I remember."

"Movies, without popcorn, comes close to a sin. We can share some and don't worry too much about the extra calories. We can run again in the morning."

Oh God, not that sport's crap again…

The movie does suck. It's corny to an extend that it's almost painful to watch it. Bella giggles next to me and her fingers touch against mine when we reach for the popcorn at the very same time. She leans forward and shoves a small piece between my parted lips.

"Good, isn't it?"

I nod my head and swallow without chewing, ending up coughing until she hands me the bottle with the coke.

To my immense surprise she places her fingers on my forearm, moving them down until she reaches my hand and I close my fingers around them. I'm glad that she likes me warming her hand. An almost sickly sweet joy fills me and I can't stop smiling for the rest of the movie.

On the drive home she's very silent and it seems like she's sad but I can't figure out why she's feeling that way.

"Are you alright?" I ask her, placing my hand on her shoulder. She takes a deep breath before she speaks up again and her voice sounds as if she's trying to suppress tears.

"Did you ever wish that you could be rather someone else than being who you are?"

"Sometimes,"

Always

"But why would you want to change? You are amazing the way you are. You are beautiful and sporty and funny. You are the strongest woman I've ever met in my life, so why would you want to be anyone else but you?"

She sighs and steps out of the car, to sit down again on our front porch a few moments later. When I kneel down next to her, she leans her head against my shoulder and inhales deeply through her nose.

"You smell good, Alice."

"That's just the softener my mom keeps using."

"I'm not sure about that. Maybe that's just you. Look, I don't think I'm amazing. I'm thickheaded and stubborn. Jake wanted us to have a baby to fix our marriage but I said no to that. Maybe that was a mistake. I mean, what if he was my only chance at ever finding love?"

"He was an asshole that doesn't deserve you at all. You'll find someone else, I'm sure about that."

"Love is complicated."

"Probably,"

"I'm curious. You told me that you don't have a boyfriend. Have you ever been in love with someone?"

Maybe I'm in love with you?

I quickly shake my head and my face flames when she twists a wisp of my hair playfully around her fingers.

"But you have kissed someone, haven't you?"

"Who would want to kiss me?" I snarl at her, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Oh please, don't be mad at me now. It would ruin the nice evening we had. I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable."

"It's ok."

Suddenly her thumb circles very gently over my lower lip and I gasp for air in surprise.

"I bet you'd be a good kisser. Your lips are so incredibly soft."

Slowly, very slowly she closes the distance between our mouths while my heart thrums in my own ears. Eventually, light as a feather her lips touch against mine.

Her hand strokes down my left cheekbone and I part my lips a bit as the tip of her tongue glides tenderly over my lower lip before swirling it against the tip of my tongue. She tastes of salty popcorn and sweet, sugary coke and I love it. I'm somewhere pretty close to heaven when my tongue slips into the warmth of her mouth and starts exploring every inch of it.

Then she pulls back rather abruptly and jumps up from the ground, grabbing her handbag.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me. I shouldn't have done that. We shouldn't have done that. Please forget it. Oh God, I'm so sorry. I have to go."

With that she's gone in a flash and I remain sitting where I am, touching my lips over and over again until it starts raining and I manage to make it back inside the house before getting soaked.

I cuddle my pillow and feel very much like crying. She kissed me but she regrets it. No wonder that she does. I'm fat and ugly. Why would she like me?

My cell vibrates and I wipe some tears from the corner of my eyes. When I see Bella's name appearing on the little screen I find myself unable to press the little green button. It rings for ages until finally the mailbox picks up. She doesn't leave a message though but a few seconds later a new text appears on my screen.

_I'm really sorry. Can we please pretend it didn't happen? I feel so horrible. Something like that has never happened to me before. Please forgive me. B._

I hesitate for about ten minutes, re-reading her message over and over again until I type a reply.

_It's ok_

After pressing the sent button I instantly regret it and quickly type another text.

_No, that's bullshit. It's not ok. You kissed me on the lips. Your tongue was in my mouth. I can still taste you all over it and I'm pretty irritated right now. A_

Her response comes a few seconds later.

_You think I'm not CONFUSED? B_

I take a sip from the bottle of water on my nightstand and change into a comfy pair of pajamas before I go to brush my teeth twice and braid my hair to keep it from getting tangled at night.

When I return from the bathroom there's another text from her.

_To be honest, I've never been that much confused before in my entire life. I never kissed another woman before neither have I ever kissed one of my clients before. This is SO not me. I don't know what came over me. B._

Sitting down on my bed I type another text, delete it before sending it and keep re-writing it about five times until I'm content enough to send it.

_Is it because I'm fat or because I'm a girl that you regret kissing me so badly? A._

I lean my face against my cool pillow and sigh deeply, trying to ignore the pain in my chest while my stomach starts rumbling unpleasantly. I'm not sure if I'm hungry again or if that's just because I'm so terribly tensed and nervous.

Her answer arrives a few minutes later and I'm almost too chicken to read her message.

_Stop calling yourself fat, I can't stand that. You are beautiful, inside and outside, point. And I do regret kissing you but not for the reasons you think I do. You are a minor and technically I work for your father. Everything is so complicated. I'm such a mess right now. I don't know what to do. B._

My hands are trembling slightly when I write a reply.

_Whatever is or not is between me and you is SURELY not my father's business. And things are just complicated because you make them seem complicated. Try to sleep now, it's already past midnight. Good night, Bella. A._

I close my eyes but I find it difficult to fall asleep while I'm still so agitated. My lips seem to be puffy and swollen from the kiss. My first kiss, my first kiss with Bella, I think and with tears in my eyes and a smile on my lips I eventually tumble into a restless dream.

She is in it and whether I'm awake or asleep, my heart, in a wondrously way is already hers…


	7. Chapter 7

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

****Hershey Kisses****

For the very first time in my life I don't feel like eating anything at all. My nerves are too tensed, tensed because of her.

Since the kiss between us Bella has barely spoken one personal word to me and that is so incredibly painful to me. She comes here daily, checking my weight and instructing me to do more of these crappy exercises. Only good thing about them is that she needs to touch me now and then when I don't get them right myself.

Each time her fingertips touch a small glimpse of my skin…on my wrist or on my back; I feel tingles all over me.

I am so in desperately in love with her and she doesn't return my feelings at all.

_Fuck. My. Life._

Why would she want to be with someone like me? I am fat and she's like the queen of fitness or something pretty close to that.

Maybe, maybe if my weight were closer to normal, maybe than I would somehow have the hint of a chance with her.

That hope is everything I have and so I'm setting my whole heart on it. During the last week I have managed to eat even less than my meal plan provides me with.

I am so very proud of myself and try to ignore the constant rumbling in my stomach or the unpleasant dizziness that overcomes me during our work out sessions. It's worst when I'm running. My body is so not meant for this jogging crap, but I keep going, forcing myself to set one foot in front of the other again and again while sweat pours down my forehead.

For a split second everything around me turns black and the next moment my head makes painful contact with the grass underneath me.

"Alice! Oh Alice, are you okay?"

A whimper escapes my throat and when I blink again, Bella is kneeling next to me, carefully cradling my head on her lap. The touch of her dainty fingertips against my temples feels so amazingly pleasant and I hope she won't stop touching me now.

"Are you feeling dizzy?"

I swallow hard and my voice cracks hoarsely when I speak up.

"A bit,"

"You're a very bad liar. For heaven's sake, Alice, if you are feeling dizzy during our run you have to tell me. You have to tell me when you need us to slow down. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Doesn't matter," I mumble before taking a small sip from the bottle of water she's lifting to my dry lips.

"What do you mean? You could have injured yourself severely, broken a bone or got a concussion. Please, you have to tell me the next time you feel bad."

"Like you cared!" I snarl, sitting up so abruptly that another wave of dizziness washes all over me. It makes my entire body tremble and when she wraps first her jacket, then her arm around my shoulder I start sobbing like a stupid baby.

"Like you cared! You are probably just worried that my father will fire you, if I twist an ankle or something under your watch. But he hired you mainly to get my weight down and that's working pretty fine, so don't pretend you care about my well-being."

She doesn't speak for a very long time but remains sitting next to me, caressing my back by stroking up and down with her fingertips.

I gulp down the entire content of both our bottles and eventually I start feeling a tiny bit better again.

"Do you honestly think that to be true? That I don't care about you being okay?"

I nod my head and pull a tissue out to clean my running nose. Right now, I probably look like crap with my reddish face and my teary eyes.

"Yes,"

"Well, it's not. I care about you. I care a lot. I care way more than it is good for both of us."

"But you haven't spoken one single private word to me since the kiss. Well, you have probably already forgotten about that completely, has been over a month now. "

"Alice…,"

"I'm going home now. I think I'm done with doing sports for today. Don't worry— my father is still going to pay you the entire fucking day."

"Alice, please…don't be like that."

"Like what?"

I try to stand up from the ground but my knees are still too shaky to steady me.

"You're acting as if I had another choice in this, when I so clearly don't have one."

She takes my hand between both of hers and starts rubbing my knuckles with her thumbs.

"I have not forgotten about the kiss. I think about it all the time although I keep telling myself how wrong it was."

"You regret it, don't you? Why? Because I'm a girl or because I'm a fat meatball? Stupid little Belly-Ali."

"For the hundredth time now, Alice, stop using such ugly words for yourself."

"Everyone does, so what does it matter?"

"It matters to me. It matters to me because you are so completely blind to see how amazingly beautiful you are. You are smart and kind and you make me laugh. Your hair is lovely and your mouth…God, your mouth is gorgeous and it felt so goddamn good against my own."

"You liked kissing me?"

She nods her head and a beautiful veil of bright pink tints her cheeks a moment later.

"It was still wrong to do it. Look, I wish so very much that things could be different for us. That I could not be depending on the money your father pays me for coaching you or that you could be older."

"It's not like torturing other people to run through the park is the only available job in this town."

"You make me feel like a tyrant. I'm helping people to get fit, that's a bit different from torturing them."

"For you…,"

She starts searching for something in the pockets of her jacket and eventually pulls out two little silver foiled Hershey Kisses.

"It's milk chocolate. They are my favorite."

"You should eat both of them. I don't need any extra calories."

"You need a bit of sugar right now."

"Do you give treats like that to all of your clients?"

"No. Just to you. That's just another proof that things are getting too complicated between us."

"I already told you they are just complicated because that's what you want them to be. I like you…you're kind of admitting that you like me too. Perhaps not as much as I like you but still enough to keep you thinking about the kiss. I want to do it again."

"No, Alice, we can't."

"Why?"

"Do you have any clue how hard it is for me right now not to pull you in my arms? Any clue how very much I want to kiss you until our mouths are all red and swollen? We can't be together like that. It's impossible."

I cup her face in my right hand and circle my forefinger over her lower lip, feeling it quiver underneath my fingertip.

"I want you and you want me. How can there be anything wrong with that?"

"Do you want the long or the short list of reasons?"

I raise one eyebrow, slowly standing up to walk towards the bench a few steps away from us. She nods her head and sits down next to me, crossing her legs underneath her backside.

"I like lists. They help me to focus."

"Well, then I would like to hear the long list of your reasons."

"Well, firstly, you are a minor and that…,"

"Jeez, I am seventeen and not twelve."

"Minor is still minor. You are at a completely different point in your life than I am."

I wouldn't exactly call High School a point in life, more like a current purgatory I have to endure Monday to Friday for the next two years.

"You should go out…date girls your own age. You'd find someone nice."

"I don't get along too well with people my age and the only person I want to date is sitting next to me."

XXXX

Back home I take a long, refreshing shower and even take the time to blow dry my hair afterwards. She told me that she likes it and so I'm planning on making it look as pretty as possible. When I'm just about to braid a wisp of it, the angry voices of Dad and Emmett reach my ears. Mom is out today, visiting a gallery with her Art class and the air that has been painfully thick between my father and Em is obviously about to explode any second.

I don't understand why my brother is acting like a complete asshole to Dad. What the hell is wrong with him?

"If I were you, I'd yell a bit louder. Then the neighbors will probably call the cops and we'll finally get some action happening around." I state, walking down the stairs. In the living room, both of them are standing across from each other, their arms crossed in front of their chest. Dad is pale, like really pale and Emmett looks as if he's close to punching something.

"Alice, go to your room and stay there."

"Oh, you don't want her to know, do you? Fucking coward…"

"Emmett, I told you not to speak to me like that. Whatever was between…well, it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter one tiny bit."

"Dad, why is he so angry at you?"

"Please, sweetie. Go to your room, just do it. "

"No, I want to know what happened. Emmett?"

He swallows hard and takes several deep breaths before he speaks up again, his voice trembling with anger.

"Rose."

"Rose? This is about your ex-girlfriend?"

"Emmett…,"

A completely sick thought enters my mind. Rosalie is pretty, like really pretty. What if Dad…crap, like he would do something as horribly as _that_ to Mom…

"You knew what she meant to me…you, fucking knew. God, this is so disgustingly sick."

"Emmett, calm down, son."

"Don't tell me what to do. You're not even _my_ real father."

"Emmett! Please, don't say things like that." I whisper, feeling the tears starting to burn in my eyes. God, I hate ugly scenes like that more than anything.

"Alice, baby, I'm sorry. You know, I love you but I can't spend just one more day under the same roof than he."

"You can't move out. Mom would freak."

"Sweetie, I'm over eighteen. I'm free to go wherever it pleases me."

"Please, stay…please…for me? Tell me what Dad did that makes you so angry."

"Maybe you should ask him yourself. Ask him how it is like living as the hypocritical asshole he is."

"I'm sorry, son. I never meant to hurt anyone. I never meant for this to happen. I couldn't know the two of you would like each other. I'm so very sorry."

"Does her father know?"

Dad sighs deeply and fists his hands through the blond curls of his hair, a nervous habit he always tends to have when he's agitated.

"No, he doesn't. Her mother and I agreed it would be better not to tell him about things. "

"Could you please talk about whatever you are talking about right now in a way that I can follow your conversation? It's like nothing of what you're saying makes any sense to me at all."

Emmett nods his head and sits down on the edge of our couch, keeping his eyes focused on the carpet underneath his feet. His voice is husky when he speaks up again, as if he's trying very hard to hold back tears.

"Have you ever wondered…how Rosalie looks nothing like her siblings? No one in her family is a blond; even that Bella cousin who is living with them at the moment is dark-haired like the fucking rest of them. "

**XOXXOXXOXXOXXXOXOXOXX**

[A/N] Well, in theory you should have seen that coming, at least those of you who have been reading some of my other AH stuff. Carlisle needs to have a love child in each of them because otherwise…well, it's just one of my personal fic-laws, like Bella and Alice having incredible hot sex with each other or the whole hair-touching issue I have.

In case you are interested in reading some vampire Bellice, please check out my new story, Blood or Honey that's based upon that Halloween One-Shot I did a few months ago.

Until next time, take care


	8. Chapter 8

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer.

****Skittles****

The ugly scene Mom makes Dad when Emmett shoves the truth into her face together with the paternity test he has found in our parents' bedroom is so horrible that I can't stand staying inside the house any longer. Our family is going to break apart and I 'm so angry at Dad for this stupid affair and at Emmett for finding the stupid test, although it's so very clearly not his fault.

I first walk, then run without even noticing where I am going until it is dark around me and I sink completely exhausted against a tree.

Trying to catch my breath again, I lean forward and wrap my hands around my knees. The tears come and once I start with the crying I am unable to stop. Mom is going to get a divorce, I'm sure about that and what is going to become out of me than? Will she even allow me to see Dad then?

I think about how much Rosalie resembles Dad. She's so pretty and I understand that he would probably prefer her to me any time. Maybe that's the reason why he wants me to lose the weight anyway? So that I look a tiny bit more like his beautiful real child than the overweight adopted one that I am.

"Alice, is that you?"

Very hesitantly I raise my head and wipe my running nose at the back of my hand while Bella kneels down next to me, checking my legs for injuries.

The chubby, middle-aged woman who is dressed in an expensive sport outfit snarls angrily.

"I have paid you for an entire hour, Bella."

"This is kind of an emergency, Mrs. Newton. Why don't you go home and do some more of the Yoga exercises I showed you?"

"Impossible person…you are not the only trainer in this stupid town. Do you know that?"

With that she walks off angrily and Bella makes some puking noises.

"I'm sorry, if I ruined that job for you. She seemed angry."

"Just for the record…I can't stand that stupid woman at all. Please, don't worry about her."

"But she's going to fire you."

"That doesn't matter. What's wrong with you? You should not be out here on your own this late."

"I don't want to go home. " I whisper, searching for a tissue in the pockets of my jeans.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I whisper, trying hard to hold back more tears from falling down my face.

"Oh come on, Alice. You can tell me." She tries to encourage me.

No, I can't, I think nervously. Rosalie is your cousin. Well, technically she's not really your cousin but still. You care about her and it's worse enough that my father's affair is going to ruin one family.

"Alice?"

"I don't want to talk about it. Please, stop asking."

"Kay. But if you need to talk, I'm here for you."

I nod my head and then I close my eyes while she pulls me even closer against her chest. She's so warm and the flowery scent on her neck is so heavenly. Before she can pull back, I lean forward and press my lips against her soft skin. A deep sigh escapes her throat and I kiss her a second time, letting my tongue glide over her pale flesh this time.

"Alice, please stop this. We can't. I already told you, why."

"Your reasons are stupid. I like you and if you wouldn't like me too, you would not be here with me right now."

"You are impossible. Do you think I have some hidden wish to get arrested for statutory rape? Your father is not paying me for being your girlfriend."

My girlfriend? She has spoken of herself as my girlfriend. My heartbeat increases so much that it makes me feel dizzy.

"If he'd know about the kiss, he'd be furious, I'm sure about that. I would try to get another job but that's difficult."

"I don't care what my father does! He hired you because he thinks me ugly and he's right about that."

"You are not ugly."

"But I'm fat and that's basically the same thing."

She shakes her head and cups my face between both of her dainty hands, caressing my cheekbones with her fingertips before circling them slowly over my mouth.

"Why do you think you are ugly? Is it just because of your weight or is there something more behind it?"

"My mother didn't want to keep me because I was such an ugly baby. My birth mother, I mean."

"What? Who told you that?"

"No one, I figured that out myself. " I mumble towards the ground.

"I don't think that's true. Maybe she was too young to take care of you. I'm sure she was sorry that she couldn't keep you herself. Who wouldn't love you?"

_A lot of people…_

"Let's get you home now. Your parents are probably already worried sick about you."

She takes my hand in hers and doesn't let go of it until we reach her car. Here she presses me suddenly against the rusty hood of her truck and touches her mouth against mine very softly.

"I care about you. Don't forget that." she whispers against my lips, letting the tip of her tongue circle over my lower lip until every cell in my body seems to be vibrating in me.

I kiss her again, feeling the skin on her bare forearms breaking out in goose flesh under my hands when I slip my tongue gently between her lips.

Heat spreads through me and as soon as we are inside the car, she climbs on my lap, rubbing her hips against me. I have never been that close to someone before and I want nothing more than to stay with my arms wrapped tightly around her so that I can feel her heartbeat against my chest.

"Just kissing, ok?" she mutters against my neck while I circle my thumb over her pulse point before lifting her hand to my mouth and kiss it over and over again.

"Kay," I whisper, stroking over the silkiness of her hair. My mouth finds hers again in the darkness of her car and I almost faint when she starts exploring my mouth with her tongue. Something close to electric impulses starts rushing through my body, and instinctively I move my hips upwards against hers in an attempt to get some more friction.

XXXXX

"Where have you been?" Mom asks me, sounding more worried than angry. Her eyes are red and puffy. It's obvious that she has been crying. My poor Mom…

"Mary Alice, are you going to tell me where you have been. It's past midnight."

"I went for a run to get off some steam and then I lost my way."

"Oh sweetie, please don't run after dark. It's too dangerous."

I frown and grab a bottle of water from the fridge, pouring some crystal light into it before taking a thirsty sip. Bella has made me throw out all of the artificial sugar we had but I have talked my mother into getting us new stuff. I can't always drink water. Water tastes like nothing.

"Where are Emmett and Dad?" I ask her, the silence in the house seeming almost unbearable to me.

"Your brother is staying at a friend's place for a few days and your father is pretending to be working at the hospital so that he doesn't need to argue with me anymore."

"Are you getting a divorce?" I ask her, sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs. She puts a plate with apple slices in front of me dipping them into a bit of Peanut butter before stuffing them between my lips. My mouth is still warm and tender from the kisses Bella and I have shared. She kissed me again and again. That hopefully means she likes me too. It has to mean she likes me too.

"Mom?"

"I don't know yet, baby. It's complicated. He insists that it was only one time and that both of them regret it deeply."

"But there is still Rose."

"Yeah, the girl is still there. I actually feel sorry for her. All this mess is not her fault."

"Emmett is pretty pissed at Dad."

"Your brother is too emotional sometimes. That comes from always pretending so very hard that he's a tough guy."

"Most likely,"

She plants a kiss on my head and sighs deeply.

"Go to bed now, it's too late."

"I will. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course, sweetie, what do you want to know?"

I want to ask her about the adoption. About my birth mother that is never mentioned but for some reason I decide against it. Mom has enough crap to deal with right now.

"It's nothing. I'll have a quick shower now before I got to bed. Good night, Mom."

Stepping into the shower, I enjoy how the hot water pours down my body. I splash some vanilla scented body wash into my hands and start rubbing it all over my upper body. When my fingertips move over my breasts a pleasant tingling makes me bite my lower lip in order to suppress a moan.

My right hand moves lower, down my belly until my fingers eventually reach the bare outer lips of my sex. I am wet, and not only because of the shower and slowly, I circle two fingers up and down between my folds. God that feels so amazing…fuck…

I think about the way Bella's mouth has felt against my lips, her tongue toying against mine over and over again until both of us were completely breathless.

Faster and faster I roll my fingertips over my clit, feeling it pulsate against them while I try very hard not to breathe too loudly.

When I come, I almost fall over, unable to keep standing from the intensity of the sensations that float through me. I didn't even know it was possible to feel so very much.

Towel drying my hair I enter my room and see there are several unread new texts on my cell.

First one is from Emmett. He's at Jasper's house and asks me to bring his shit to school tomorrow. I roll my eyes at that-like he'll need that after smoking whatever kind of crap with his new bestie.

The other two are from Bella and I climb under my blankets, cuddling against the pillow before I read through them.

_I can't stop thinking about you and I can still taste you on my lips. Call me if you are still awake. B._

The second one is a drawing of a cloud with the words, _Sweet Dreams_, written inside of it.

I smile and dial the number of her cell. She picks up after the second ring.

"Hey,"

"Did I wake you up?"

"I can't sleep, Alice, there is too much on my mind."

"Can't you sleep because of me?"

"Maybe,"

"Just maybe?"

"Not really. Look, I don't know how to tell you this. It seems so very wrong to me."

My heart cramps painfully in my chest because I have a certain feeling of what she's about to tell me now. That she doesn't want to be with me…because I'm too fat…because I'm too young…because I'm a girl and all the other reasons why I am wrong for her. Crap, now I'm going to cry again.

"Alice, are you still there?"

"Yes, " I croak, barely audible.

"I like you." She starts and I can hear her, taking a deep breathe at the other side of the line. "I like you a lot."

"I like you too. I like you more than anyone else."

"You are sweet. Look, I know that what I'm going to ask you is wrong. It's too much to ask of you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You can't tell anyone about us. Whatever it is that is between me and you…it has to be a secret."


	9. Chapter 9

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N]

This one is written from Bella's POV. Hope you'll like this glimpse into her head.

****M & M's****

I wrap my hands tightly around his ankles and try to ignore the groaning whimpers from escaping his mouth. Whining men are so terribly annoying and Mike is definitely the worst of them all.

"Ten more," I instruct strictly, being instantly greeted by another pain-filled moan. The moron is hopefully not thinking that if he keeps doing this I'll be easier on him. Does he?

Slowly he lifts up his upper body and when I finally manage to count the last of the requested sit-up's he's almost crying.

_Fucking loser…_

"You are a tyrant, a heartless tyrant, Bella."

Rolling my eyes at that comment, I stand up from the ground while he takes several greedy sips from a bottle of water. Jobs like these bore me beyond words, for there is no real challenge in them.

Mike will obey any of my orders because he is vain and the possibility of forming his body into a more attractive one is flattering for him. At least his arrogant mother pays me good money for training her little darling, even when she's still quite pissed at me for ending her work out session so abruptly last night.

"Bella, are we done for today?"

I hand him two bottles of water, earning myself a confused look out of watery blue eyes. Somehow Newton reminds me of a little puppy that is desperate to learn new commands.

"I'm not thirsty anymore."

"You are supposed to use those as weights. Straighten your arms…yes like that…now, curl them up."

I sit down on the edge of the leather couch and while I correct his movements now and then my mind drifts to the person I'm so very clearly not supposed to think about.

Her eyes, so warm and always way too questioning for a girl her age make my insides tingle whenever I look at her. I like the way she keeps bitching at me for every single exercise I'm making her do, for every piece of fruit I'm making her eat.

Seventeen, she's just seventeen, I remind myself but this awareness doesn't make me want her one tiny bit less.

She's such an amazingly stubborn person and I just wished that she would see how strong she actually is. Her parents, especially her mother have spoilt her and unfortunately this woman seems to believe that giving her daughter candy is a replacement for spending time with her.

Her weight is too high but I'm more concerned about her low self-esteem than about getting down the extra pounds she's carrying. I hate the way she sees herself so very much.

"Is it enough now?" Mike groans, wiping some sweat from his forehead.

"For today, yes. Drink that protein shake I told you to buy and try to rest a bit tomorrow. I'll see you on Wednesday."

Back inside my car, I pull out my cell and as soon as I read the text she has sent me I can't manage to stop grinning all over my face.

_You always make my heart beat so very fast….and not only when you force me to do this running crap that I hate so much._

_I kiss your mouth_

_A_

I type a reply and delete the words about three times until I'm content enough to send them.

_You do things to my heart that I didn't even know possible. I'll see you later. B_

Back at my uncle's house, I scan through the pile of unopened envelopes on the nightstand next to my bed. Most of them are unpaid bills and I sigh deeply while I try to decide which of them I'm going to pay first.

I need to move out here, it's too crowded and I really liked to have a bit more privacy. Thinking of privacy, the door is pulled open abruptly and my beautiful blonde cousin rushes in, sinking down on the bed next to mine. Her face looks pale without the usual make-up on and the sweater she's wearing is like ten times too big for her.

"How was school?" I ask her, hoping she won't start crying again now.

"How do you think it was like? I have to spend 9 crappy hours in the presence of a guy I'm going to hate for the rest of my miserable life."

"Oh sweetie, it's not like he's the only guy on earth."

A dry sob escapes her mouth and a moment later she's crying against my shoulder while I stroke up and down her back in small circles to comfort her.

"Emmett is the only one I'm ever going to love. I wished I was dead. My life is over."

"Oh Rosie, please try to calm down. You'll find someone new, someone who will treat you way better."

"But I don't want anyone else! I want Emmett…and he's not even talking to me anymore. Whenever he looks at me accidentally it's like he hates me."

She pulls a package of M & M's out, stuffing an entire hand full of them into her mouth.

"Emmett likes those with peanut's better." She mumbles, licking some chocolate from her carefully manicured fingers.

"Are you going to eat the entire stuff yourself?"

"Mind your own business. You are not my diet coach."

Yeah, I need to move out…as soon as possible. Spending time with my cousin is bad enough when she's not drowning in self-pity. Maybe I should start looking for a roommate? I decide to check the newspaper later when I return and quickly braid my hair before grabbing my jacket.

"Another client?"

_Whatever client means…_

"No, I'm just going to meet with Alice."

"Well, Belly-Ali surely could need your advices on weight loss."

"Rose, I hate that you always call her that name. It's so rude."

"I can't stand her. Bet it was her influence that Emmett broke up with me, for she can't stand me."

XXXX

My hands are sweating and I quickly wipe them on my jeans before she opens the front door for me. Pulling me inside, her sweet mouth is one mine within seconds and I'm home. My tongue slips between her parted lips and as I gently caress the tip of her tongue with mine, the muscles in my lower abdomen tighten over and over again so very pleasantly.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too. Are we alone?"

She nods her head and I circle my thumb down her cheekbone, feeling how the blood under her skin is racing through her veins.

"I was supposed to show you some Pilates today but I don't really feel like doing sports right now."

She doesn't answer me but instead of that she leans forward, standing up on her toes and plants another kiss on my lips, licking over my bottom lip so tenderly that I feel like fainting from the sensations that spread through my entire body.

"You taste like M & M's. "

"Had to steal some from Rosie to keep her from falling into a diabetic coma,"

We make it up to her room and somehow being alone here with her makes me feel so terribly nervous.

"Are you nervous?"

_Is she able to read my thoughts?_

"A bit…maybe,"

"Don't have to be. It's just me."

That is exactly the reason why I am so tensed. You are my client…my female client for crying out loud and I'm so not gay. What in heaven's name is wrong with me?

"Have you thought about what I told you last night? How we can't tell anyone about us?"

"I don't mind." she whispers, hugging me from behind. Her lips are soft against my neck as she plants a row of feather-light kisses down my collarbone. I'm not used to being caressed like this and it makes me feel so cherished.

I remember how Jake always used to complain that I'm too prudish and for the first time in a long time, I'm starting to think that maybe the problem hasn't been him but me. Maybe he was just wrong for me. When we started dating I was just seventeen and who knows what's right or wrong at seventeen? I wonder if Alice is going to think about us like that in a few years and the thought leaves a bitter aftertaste in my mouth. I don't want her to regret this…

"Bella?"

"Yes, Alice?" God, even my voice sounds nervous, how embarrassing.

"Do you really like me?"

"I would not be here right now, if I didn't. Can I have another kiss?"

She smiles at me and as she pushes me back against the pillows, holding my hands up above my head, I melt from the inside out. Kissing her is so light and tender. I suckle her upper lip into my mouth and nibble it playfully.

"And I'm not too fat for you?" she asks me worriedly, sitting up straight in the bed. Her dark curls fall down her shoulders and her mouth is such a deliciously red color from the kisses that I have to press my mouth against hers once again before I answer her.

"I'm honestly more concerned about you being a girl than about your weight. That doesn't matter to me."

"That sounds weird from someone like you." she stats, taking my hand in hers to draw little hearts all over my palm with her fingertip. "Especially since my Dad is paying your for getting me thin."

"He's going to pay me whether you'll lose the weight or not. It's your choice if you want to keep going with the diet or not."

"I want to."

"Fine, then I will continue training you."

"Do we have to run?"

"We could go swimming instead of that, if you preferred that."

"I'd rather die than let other people see me in a bathing suit."

She stands up from the bed and frowns, rubbing her back with her flat hand.

"Are you sore?"

"From my extra-training yesterday, I guess. Should have done these stretching crap you have showed me but I was too tired."

I walk to the bathroom at the other side of the hall and wash my hands in the sink before searching the shelves for some massage oil. My fingers are trembling when I grab the small bottle and pull off the lid.

_Lavender…_

Returning to her room, I close the door behind me and wave shyly with the bottle. Her face blushes into a bright crimson color.

"Just a massage, it's going to help your muscles to relax again."

_It is so not going to help me to relax…_

She lies down on her bed and when I pull her shirt upwards and touch her bare skin for the first time, the tingling inside of me becomes almost unbearable. I hesitate for a moment before I fumble the clasp of her bra open.

Warming the oil between my hands, I try to keep my breathing calm and steady. Then I start rubbing her tensed shoulders and eventually down her spine, kneading and stretching the muscles carefully. Her skin is so soft, so very soft and when a low moan reaches my ear that noise goes straight to my core.

I haven't slept with anyone since the pitiful ending of my marriage and although I try very hard not to get turned on right now, I can't help but circle my fingers lower and lower, over her hips and up her sides again. I want to touch the sides of her full breasts so badly but I don't dare to, always circling my fingers back before their tips reach the roundness.

"Are you feeling a bit better now?" I whisper, rolling my tongue over the shell of her ear. This small caress makes her shiver under me and I feel so very…powerful somehow.

The loud bang of the door downstairs makes me jump from the bed while Alice pulls down her shirt and tries to comb through the mess of dark curls with her fingertips.

"Is that your Mom?"

"ALICE? Are you up there?"

"That's just my brother, who has hopefully decided to move back home."

The shithead has moved out? Where? Is that the reason why she was so upset yesterday?

Walking down the stairs, I can smell the stale beer and another component that I can't really put a name to when we enter the kitchen. Her brother looks as if he's in need of a shower and I start feeling a bit sorry for him although I don't actually get why he's letting himself go like that.

"Can you cook me something? Jazz doesn't have any food at his place."

"I'm not your slave, Emmett. "

"But you cook way better than I can and I'm hungry."

"You can wait until Mom and Dad come home tonight."

"Don't specifically care for seeing him. Is Mom ok?"

"How do you think she's feeling right now, idiot?" she snarls at him angrily while he throws a can of beer into the trash under the sink.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Are you going to make me something to eat now?"

She sighs deeply and opens the fridge, pulling out some cheese and ham for sandwiches.

"Stop that right now. He's commanding you around and that's totally not acceptable. "

"That's none of your business. What are you, her bodyguard or something?"

"I want you to treat your sister with a bit more respect. No wonder that your relationship with my poor cousin ended. You don't have a fucking clue how to act towards women, do you?"

"I never treated Rosie badly. I love her."

I chuckle bitterly and lean back against the kitchen counter.

"You don't even know what that word means. She's so miserable since you broke up with her. It's like you killed something in her."

"I didn't want to hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her. Alice, you have to tell her I'm sorry, when you see her tomorrow at school, will you?"

"What is she your secretary now as well?"

"It's ok, Bella."

"No, it's not. Someone has to teach him a lesson."

He grins at me like a shark and I point to the empty kitchen table before sitting down on one of the wooden chairs.

"Are you trying to shit me? I'm not going to arm wrestle with a girl."

"Afraid you could lose?" I tease him, granting his puzzled sister behind me a smile.

"If I hurt you, I don't want to hear any complaints. Are we clear about that?"

"Sure, sure…" I mumble, closing my fingers around his prank. He is strong but not very good at concentrating and when he blinks I tighten my grip suddenly and turn his forearm flat on the table in a swift movement.

"Ouch. You tricked me. That doesn't count as a win."

"So, doesn't it?" I ask, standing up from the table. I feel very much like hugging Alice but of course that wouldn't be a very good idea with him in the same room.

And it is then, I realize, I'm falling hard, maybe too hard for the girl standing next to me.


	10. Chapter 10

**[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM**

****Mint Chocolate Cookie****

My entire mouth is unpleasantly cold now. Way colder probably than the half-emptied family package of delicious mint chocolate ice cream I managed to eat within the last ten minutes. Mom knows that I can't endure having stuff like that in our house. It's like the ice cream is somehow secretly calling to me in my head, seducing me with the sweetest voice ever.

Just one tiny spoon full, Alice, you know you want to. Just one tiny spoon full doesn't make you fat.

How right for it's the second, the third and all the other ones that irrevocably follow once my taste buds make contact with the first hint of melting ice cream on my tongue.

I dip the spoon into the creamy mass, lifting it to my lips one more time. My stomach hurts and deep inside my head I'm aware that I already had way more than it is good for me.

The problem is I can't find the strength in me to stop. This day is already screwed – diet technically – and so I continue to eat until the last bit of the ice-cream is gone and I'm close to throw up right over the kitchen table.

Taking several deep breaths and fumbling the button of my jeans open, I curse myself.

I hate myself so much for being so weak, but there isn't much I can do about it. Nothing can change who I am.

My eyes capture the time on the watch around my wrist. I hate being all by myself but Mom is doing some furniture shopping with Emmett. She obviously thinks he needs to turn Jasper's shitty place into a comfy home as long as he decides to stay there. I hope it won't be for long for I miss having him around way more than my brother actually deserves it.

The phone rings and I stand up from my chair, throwing the empty package of ice cream into the trash under the sink where I hide it under some potato peelings.

God, I'm so pathetic.

"Hello,"

"Hey, it's me." Bella's voice greets me cheerfully on the other end of the line.

"Hey,"

"What's wrong with you? You sound sad."

"It's nothing." I mumble, leaning my head against the glass of the kitchen window. My stomach hurts. Maybe it would help me to feel better if I made myself sick. No, I can't do that. It's too gross.

"Alice, are you still there?"

"What? Oh yes, yes…was just in thoughts."

"You can tell me if something is bothering you. I'm your friend."

Your friend? I thought we had skipped that part already. The way I feel about her goes way beyond friendship. She's so beautiful and the way her mouth feels against mine. Oh sweet heaven…

XXXX

When Bella enters my house half an hour later, I try to do what everyone with a bad conscious would do, hoping no to get caught.

"So, what did you do today until I showed up?" she asks, me, running her fingers through my hair while we sit on the couch, her head resting in my lap.

"Nothing, well I did some stuff for school I had to finish."

Slowly I lean down to plant a very gentle kiss on her lips, suckling the lower one between my front teeth. I think of all the other people she might have kissed before me and I wonder if my curiosity is somehow making up for my lack in experience. Well, at least to a certain extent.

"When I called you, you sounded sad." she stats when we eventually break the contact of our mouths.

"What does it matter? I already told you it was nothing, so stop asking."

She cups my face in her right hand, circling her thumb over my cheek before twisting a small wisp of my dark hair around her fingers.

"You can tell me anything. You know?"

The tears come, traitorous and with so much force that a loud sob escapes my throat. I don't want her to see me crying. It is so embarrassing.

"Baby? What's wrong with you? I don't like you being so sad."

"My parents are getting a divorce because Dad had an affair. They don't talk to each other and Em is so pissed at Dad that he moved out. I hate all of this so much. It's stressing me and when I'm stressed I tend to eat lots of stuff that is not good for me."

"This is about your diet?" she asks me, wiping the smeared mascara from my tear-covered face in a gentle caress.

"I fucked up. I…I…well, I don't want to tell you, it's too embarrassing. You will think I'm so weak, that I have zero to none discipline at all."

"Nonsense,"

"But I…I…ate an entire package of ice-cream. It must have been like 10.000 calories or something close to that."

"Was it good?"

"What?"

"Did you like the ice cream?"

"Yes…no…well, I'm not so sure anymore. I feel too guilty."

"Don't feel guilty. I don't want you to. Everyone gets cravings now and then. That's normal and doesn't mean you are weak. Try to relax a bit. This is not a contest."

"But I have to lose the weight. I'm too fat, way too fat." I mumble, wiping my nose on a crinkled tissue I pulled out of the pockets of my jeans.

"There are a lot of people out there who are way more overweight than you are."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I snarl a bit too harsh, while I try to stand up from the couch. It's not working because Bella grabs her arms around my middle to pull me closer against her chest. Taking a deep breathe, I inhale the sweet scent of her skin. She smells so good to me it should be forbidden.

"I wished I could make you feel better. You are so tensed about this whole weight loss thing. That's so not worth it."

"I don't know. I've never been thin, probably not even when I was a baby. No wonder my—," my voice breaks and I swallow hard, trying to fight back the unpleasant thoughts from rising up again. They are too painful.

"No wonder what, Alice?" she whispers, gently caressing my head with her fingertips.

"No wonder she didn't want to keep me, my birth mother, I mean. She didn't want me. She didn't lo…love me. No one will ever love me the way I look."

A sound, pretty close to a growl leaves Bella's mouth before she presses her lips against mine so roughly that it knocks the breathe out my lungs for a moment. Her velvety-warm tongue swirls in my mouth, up and down and around my own tongue until every cell in my body is prickling.

"I like you. I like you a lot. Never doubt that."

"I like you too. Well, I think I do more than just like you but I…I'm not sure. I've never been in love with anyone before."

Her cheeks blush and the glow makes her beautiful pale skin so very gorgeous.

She leans forward to kiss me again, slowly this time and so incredibly tender.

"I want you to come and talk to me the next time you feel bad."

"I will,"

"Promise?"

I nod my head and when I hear the key turning in the lock I jump from the couch.

"Oh I didn't know you were having another training lesson. How's the diet going?"

"Is that all that you care about, Dad? Sorry, to disappoint you by still being fat, despite the money you are investing in it."

"Alice, I know, the situation is difficult for you but you don't have to—,"

"Don't tell me what to do! You ruined everything."

"Alice, calm down. Bella, tell her to calm down."

"No, I won't. She's angry. She has a right to be angry. You always want her to be sweet and kind and swallow back any kind of negative emotions that she may have. Have you ever thought about why she is overweight?"

"I'm not responsible for her being too heavy. Alice has weight problems because she couldn't say no to a piece of chocolate if it would kill her. When she was little she used to hide candy underneath her bed, in her closet. God, even in that silly Barbie house Esme bought her."

"And why do you think she did that? I will tell you why. Alice is trying to eat her feelings."

"Missy, I haven't hired you for this psycho crap. She needs to stop eating unhealthy and start working out. That's the reason why I hired you, if you remember, Miss Swan."

She gasps for air, pulling a small piece of paper out of her handbag.

"Keep your shitty money. I'm done with this job. You don't care about what's good for your daughter or what makes her happy."

She's out of the house within the blink of an eye and I remain right where I am, frozen and unable to move.

"Alice! Are you coming with me?"

I grab my handbag and my jacket, stepping into a pair of silver colored flats before I follow her.

Inside her truck, she is trembling so much that she has to stop the car around the corner. Her breathing comes out raggedly when I pull her against my chest.

"Tell me I did not just quit my job."

"Would it make you feel better if I did that?"

"For a short period of time it would work, probably."

I kiss her forehead, then her cheeks and finally her lips, parting them with my tongue as I start exploring her mouth.

"I can't believe you did that."

"Me too,"

She starts the engine again and I rest my head against her shoulder until we are in front of her uncle's house.

"Did you really mean what you said?"

"I can write it down for you that I like you if that helps you believing me."

"That's not what I meant. You told my Dad I'm eating my feelings."

"Oh that. Yes, I think it's true and it worries me."

"It's nonsense."

"No it's not. You need to find other ways to deal with being upset apart from eating."

"You have to say that. I mean you are like a fitness goddess and I'm a stupid, fatty."

"No one has ever called me a goddess before. Look, I like you. I like you for being you. If you want to lose the weight, I'll help you. Jeez, I have been trained to get people in shape. I'm not trained in having a relationship with another girl. I'm scared of messing things up."

I kiss her, twisting my hands into her hair, fisting through the silkiness of it until I feel her hands around my own middle, the tips of her fingers slipping under the hem of my shirt. For a split second they touch bare skin. Then she notices that I have stopped kissing her and instantly drops her hands.

"Sorry, I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"It's not like I don't want to. I'm just worried about your reaction on feeling…or even worse seeing all of my body."

"Alice, I know you are not thin. It doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is that I just made you feel bad when I touched you."


	11. Chapter 11

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM

[A/N] Blows kisses to everyone who took the time to leave me some review love. Your encouragement means a lot to me. Thank you, girls.

****Jolly Ranchers****

Slowly, very slowly, I circle my fingertips up her bare forearm and down to her wrist again while my eyes stay focused on her face the entire time. Then, after a few minutes I take her hand, guiding it to my lips to blow a feather light kiss over the back of her hand.

"I'm nervous." I whisper, snuggling against her chest. The steady rhythm of her heartbeat seems like the most beautiful sound on earth to me right now.

"Me too,"

"But you don't have to, Bella. I mean you have done this before and apart from that you can't imagine how it is like to be ashamed of your own body."

"I hate the way you see yourself."

"I'm sorry. It's hard to believe that someone, anyone would actually like to be with me the way I look like."

"You don't see yourself the way I see you." she whispers, while she starts to draw circles over my wrist over and over again.

"I'm nervous too. I've never been with another woman before and apart from that I don't even like sex that much."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Sex is just sex. It's cold and mechanical."

"Maybe you didn't do it with the right person."

A deep sigh escapes her mouth before she lowers her lips to mine again. Kissing her makes me feel all tingly, like there are suddenly magical flames burning through every single inch of my body.

"We should wait."

"Don't you want to sleep with me because I'm fat?"

"Alice, for fucks sake, the next time you'll call yourself fat in my presence, I will put you over my knee and spank you. I like you. I like you more than I should and I don't care about your weight."

"You really like me?"

"Do you want me to write it down for you? I like you. I like you a lot."

Cupping my face between both of her hands, her mouth finds mine in a slow, gentle kiss. My tongue nudges playfully against her lower lip until she parts her mouth with a groan and I swirl the tip of her tongue against hers.

Then I feel her hands stroking up my sides again and this time I try not to panic. Her touch is tender and light as a feather.

"Is this okay?"

Instead of answering her, I kiss her again, letting my right hand slip underneath Bella's shirt. My fingertips touch against the lace fabric of her bra and when I circle my fingers a bit higher to massage the small mounds of her breasts, I can feel her groan against my mouth.

Her nipples start hardening against my palms and I pull her shirt over her head to caress her entire upper body with open mouthed kisses.

She's so beautiful and the way she feels like is so heavenly. I want to touch all of her warm, silken skin.

The dampness between my own legs increases when both of her hands glide over my breasts. I don't dare to keep my eyes open when she lifts up my shirt and leans over to unclasp my bra.

"So soft, you are so soft and full here."

The warmth of her breath tickles my sensitive skin before she closes her lips around one of my nipples. The tip of her tongue flickers against it and I whimper in an attempt to suppress a moan when she starts suckling it gently. Fuck, this feels so good, so very good.

My left hand fists into the messy curls of her hair, trying to keep her mouth right where it is now. I squeeze the pebbled tips of Bella's breasts between my fingers and it makes her entire body shudder in my arms. I feel powerful and alive in a weird, unfamiliar way.

Suddenly the door to her bedroom is pulled open and a shrill scream makes Bella jump from my lap.

"What the fuck are the two of you doing here?"

"Nothing," I murmur, grabbing my shirt from the floor as fast as possible. My face is probably red like a ripe tomato now. God, this is so incredibly embarrassing.

"Rose, leave. This is none of your business."

"So, it's either nothing or none of my business. You know what? I don't even give a shit."

I try to stand up from Bella's bed but my legs are weak underneath me, boneless somehow and so I give up and just remain sitting right where I am.

"Please don't tell anyone." Bella asks her cousin while she tries to comb through her hair with her fingers before twisting it into a sloppy knot.

"You don't want people to know you're a dyke. I can understand that."

"It's not like that. Well, the truth is I don't want people to know I'm dating a minor. It would cause a lot of trouble for me and Alice."

"Oh I see, especially since you are working for her father. Don't you think I haven't figured that out? It was Mom who suggested you as a personal trainer to her Dad. She accidentally told me during our shopping trip to the mall yesterday."

I can't stand Rosalie's stupid mother for crying out loud. She fucked up my parents' marriage and I'll never forgive her for that.

"Well, I quit the job. I don't want to work for an arrogant asshole that doesn't care about his child's happiness."

"What about the money? I thought you wanted to move out here?"

"I'll move out, it just may take a bit longer until I have saved enough money."

"Stay as long as you want. I like having you here."

"Thanks, Rosie."

"You are welcome. So you and her are together now? Like a…like a couple?"

Bella wraps her arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer against her side. My face is on fire, the blush will probably stay on my face permanently and I will need some laser treatment to remove it.

"Yes, we are."

"For real?"

I nod my head, for my mouth is way too dry to bring out an audible response right now.

"And you are sure this is not just a phase, B.? I mean, you are still a bit pissed off at Jake about the divorce." She asks Bella who starts circling her fingertips over my knee before resting her hand on it after a few moments.

"How I feel about Alice has nothing to do with how I feel about my ex-husband."

XXXX

My mother is in an excellent mood when I come home later in the evening and I assume it has to do with my brother's decision to move back home.

"Let me guess, Em, there weren't any empty plates left at Jasper's place and you thought moving back here would be easier than doing dishes. It's not a job you are too familiar with."

"I'm happy to see you too. Where have you been the entire day?"

"With friends,"

"You don't have any friends and if you had, you wouldn't be blushing if someone asked you about them."

"Emmett, fuck off!"

"Sweetie, please don't fight with your brother again. I'm so glad he decided to come home. This boy he lived with. I think he's a bit creepy."

"Jasper is a freak."

"Well, maybe you and he should date then. The two freaks of you would be a good match."

"Stop teasing your poor sister. She'll find a nice boyfriend soon."

When she says that, she leans over to plant a kiss on my cheek. Then she pulls back, a bit too abruptly and circles the tip of her thumb over my neck.

"Mary Alice, is that a hickey?"

Fuck. My. Life.

Emmett stands up from the couch to take a look at it too while I wait for a hole to open up in the middle of our living room, A huge hole that will swallow me to get me out of this embarrassing situation.

"Who gave you that?"

"Mind your own business and leave me alone."

"Oh sweetie, don't be like that. Tell Mommy about your boyfriend."

"I don't have a fucking boyfriend."

"He is probably ugly, so that she's ashamed of him."

"I hate you, Emmett. Great to have you back home again. I truly missed your charm. Now, leave me the fuck alone!"

I rush to my room, and sit down on my bed, fumbling for the little box underneath my bed. The first piece of Jolly Rangers is already between my lips when Mom's head appears in my doorframe.

"Did you stop with your diet?"

"No," I mumble, stuffing the rest of the package underneath my pillows.

"I just felt like I needed some sugar."

"It's okay, sweetie. Look, I came here because I thought it would be good if you and I had a little talk about boys and stuff in general." She tells me, sitting down next to me on the bed.

"We had that conversation six years ago when I got my period. I don't think the basics about sex have changed that much since then. I know what goes where."

"Well, yes but the thing is that six years ago you didn't show up here with a hickey on your neck. My little girl is growing up. Did I even allow you to do that?"

"Hmm," I mumble, chewing the rest of the candy that's still in my hand. I remember how Mom used to feed me with baby food when I was already in first grade. I wonder why she did that. Did she love me more when I was still a little baby?

"Mom, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, sweetie. Look, if you want me to set up an appointment with my gynecologist to get you on the pill, I will do it. I'm not as old-fashioned as you think I am."

"What for should I need to take the pill?" I ask her, raising one eyebrow.

"Baby, I don't want you to get pregnant before you are ready to have a child and condoms are not that safe. It would mess up all your plans for College and everything if you had a child now. Teenagers are not really ready to fit the needs of an infant. You can see that with Charlotte."

Charlotte is Emmett's birth mother. She lives in Tennessee and tries rather success less to become an actress. As far as I know she managed to appear for like ten seconds during a shampoo commercial about five years ago. That has been the highlight of her career so far. My parents send her a picture of my brother on his birthday every year and sometimes he calls her on the phone. I will never be able to do that with my birth mother because she didn't find it necessary to leave her address at the hospital in Biloxi I was born it. She didn't want me and I highly doubt that her views on that have changed over the years. Sometimes I hate her but I'd like to know if I look a bit like her. I'd really like to know that.

"Baby, I want you to be responsible if you consider being sexually active."

"I'm not planning on having sex any time soon." At least not with someone who could knock me up, I add silently in my head, unable to keep the idiotic grin from flashing over my face.

"Is it someone from school? I mean, the boy who gave you the hickey."

For a moment I'm very tempted to simply tell her yes but then I'm too worried she might show up there tomorrow to take a look at my admirer.

"Alice?"

"No, it's not someone from school. Please, stop asking about him."

"It's not one of your teachers, is it? I saw this documentation on TV last night about intelligent young women falling for older men. There was this one case about a—,"

"Mom, that's just gross. Can't you just try to trust me with this? I will tell you about _him_ when I'm ready."


	12. Chapter 12

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to SM.

[A/N] Hugs to all of you who left a nice comment on the last chapter, it makes me happy that you enjoy reading my little story here.

****Hot Tamales****

I try to ignore the rest of my classmates as I make my way through the school cafeteria. The food in this place sucks, even when you are not dieting. After hesitating for a few moments, I finally decide to put an apple and a turkey sandwich on my tray. The sandwich is practically soaked in greasy mayonnaise but it still looks a bit healthier than the pizza or the fried chicken they are serving as well. I sigh, grabbing a bottle of water and a package of Hot Tamales before I sit down on an empty table in the corner of the room. I detest eating here at all but as the alternative would be to eat outside in the pouring rain, I have to endure it. It feels like everyone's eyes are on me and I wish so very much that I could manage to make myself invisible somehow.

The first snappy comment comes after about five seconds, making me choke on the piece of apple on my mouth. Why do people have to be so disgustingly mean all the time?

"Oh crap, we'll stay hungry today. Fatty has already bought the entire food they're selling."

"She shouldn't be eating at all if you ask me."

"Nobody is asking you, shithead!" Rosalie snarls, placing her tray next to mine before she pulls out the plastic chair and sits down.

She grants me a smile, and starts nibbling on her pizza slice. I'm puzzled that she's eating stuff like that, but it is not like Rose has to worry about gaining weight. This awful cheerleader jumping she's doing probably burns a shitty amount of calories. Maybe I should try that as well, it could be fun.

Yeah, like they would ever let me join their pom-pom team, wake up, Alice.

"Since when, are you and Belly-Ali friends, Rosie? Are you trying to look prettier by hanging with a fat chick now?"

My face turns red like fire and I lean forward, covering it behind my long hair. Don't cry now, I try to remind myself but I can already feel the first tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Piss off, Royce. We're not talking to trash like you."

He chuckles and I can hear him stepping closer until he's directly behind Rosalie. When he places his arm on her shoulder, she shrugs back, making the chair squeak against the linoleum floor.

"Come on, sugar, don't be like that. Give me a kiss. You know you want to."

"Royce, we're in the middle of the school cafeteria, can't you just drop it?"

"Don't be shy now."

"I'm not shy, just annoyed but I can't expect you to know the difference with that retarded brain of yours."

"Oh Baby, I'll make you moan underneath me so much your throat will be sore afterwards."

Okay, I'm officially done with eating now. Royce is such an asshole but he's pretty popular so within moments our table is surrounded by a bunch of his stupid friends.

"Royce, please."

"I think, she told you to leave us alone." I whisper hesitantly, my voice barely audible through the tears. I hate ugly scenes like this one and I don't even understand why Rosalie has decided to sit with me today and not with Vera and the rest of her cheerleader team. They would most likely rip Royce a new one for molesting her. He is the worst of all the people who keep teasing me about my weight. I don't even have words to describe how much I hate this guy.

"Keep your mouth shut, Fatty. No one gives a shit about what you have to say."

Someone growls behind us and when I blink through my teary eyes I can see Emmett grabbing Royce on his shirt, pushing him forcefully against the wall next to the table.

"You talk to my sister like that one more time and I'll end you, you piece of shit!"

"Drop your hands from me, Cullen. You are just pissed because I'm the one who's fucking Hale now. You probably weren't man enough to handle the little slut."

I cover my eyes and barely dare to peak through my fingers when my brother starts hammering his fists against Royce flawless face. Blood trickles down his nose, down to his thinly moustache. When Royce lifts his hand to slam it against Emmett's forehead, it only seems to make him more furious. My brother has a big mouth but I can't remember that he ever attacked someone physically before. The whole thing is frightening to look at.

"Cullen! King! What the hell do the two of you think you're doing?"

"He attacked me, Mr. Banner. I was just talking to Rosalie and Alice when he—,"

"I don't care, King. Detention for both, I'll see you in my office after class."

"But Mr. Banner, he injured me. My nose is probably broken."

"Go to the school nurse then. She'll give you some ice and for the rest of you, I hope something like that won't happen again. Are we clear about that?"

"Yes, Mr. Banner."

Royce rushes out of the cafeteria while I turn my attention to my panting brother, examining the bruise that is building on his left temple.

"This will get you in trouble."

"Doesn't matter to me,"

"Emmett, your sister is right. They could kick you out of school for this."

Rosalie pulls out a tissue and I can hear Em inhaling between his teeth when she leans forward, cupping his jaw carefully in her delicate hand while wiping the droplets of blood from his face.

"Are you hurt?" she whispers worriedly. "Maybe you should go and see the nurse too."

"No,"

"But you could have a concussion."

"From that little nudge?"

"It is not necessary to play the tough guy now."

"Hmm,"

"You did that because what he said about me, didn't you, Em?"

"No, I just felt like putting King in his place."

"You suck at lying, Cullen."

"Leave me alone, Rose. It doesn't matter to me at all what's between you and him. We are over."

"So, you don't care. You don't care if I fuck around with every guy in this goddamn school. Excuse me now, while I go looking for my next fuck buddy."

"Don't talk like that."

"Why?"

"Because...because, I can't endure the thought of some low-life having his paws all over you! It makes me livid. You are my girl. Mine, do you hear me?"

XXXX

There is something about people in love that you can probably only endure when you are in love yourself. My brother's face seems in a magically way connected with Rosalie's during the entire ride home. We are lucky not to crash into one of the other cars. It wouldn't make such a good impression on our parents after they decided to buy us a new car.

"I'll call you later, Babe. Kay?"

She nods her head and kisses to bruise on his head one more time before she disappears inside her house.

I can't even remember having seen Emmett as happy as that ever before and I really don't want to ruin that for him but I need to know how he plans on dealing with the Dad-Question now.

"Are you going to tell her about Dad?" I ask him, biting the skin around my cuticles nervously.

"Are you stupid? Of course, not! I don't want to ruin everything again. Please, you can't tell her he's her real father."

"It's not fair to lie to her. I mean, she has a right to know, don't you think."

"I don't want her to know I'm her…brother. That's sick somehow and probably illegal."

I sigh deeply and fumble my cell out of my backpack to check it for new texts. There is one from Bella, asking me to meet at the Mall. Great, like I want to hang out in public where we can't even kiss each other. Still, I type a quick reply telling her to meet me there.

"Incest is illegal in Washington isn't it?"

"Jeez, Emmett, you actually know that you are adopted? You and Rose aren't really related."

"It's still weird. Look, I don't want to lose her. She's important to me."

"If she finds out that you knew and didn't tell her, she'll be pissed."

He steps so abruptly on the breaks that my seatbelt cuts painfully into the skin on my neck.

"Do you think you could manage not to crash this car while I'm with you? I'd like to live to see my eighteenth birthday next year."

"Don't tell her."

"Kay, if you don't want me to, I'll keep my mouth shut. Can you let me out at the Mall?"

"Why?"

"I want to go shopping."

"You hate shopping."

"I'm meeting with a friend but that's none of your business. Can you drive me there now?"

XXXX

Bella is already waiting for me on a bench in front of a Starbucks, slurping on an iced coffee while she's reading a book on her lap.

Rubyfruit Jungle? Isn't that a book about a lesbian?

"Hi there," I greet her and my voice sounds breathless as if I had just run a marathon in record time. The truth is that I'm just so excited to see her. I'm happy and I want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her mouth over and over again. There is no way I can do that here.

She hugs me tightly, rubbing her hands down my spine maybe a split second longer than it would be normal.

"I missed you." She whispers and for a moment I can feel her lips brushing over my hair.

"Do you want to drink something too?"

"I'm not thirsty. Are you sure you want to help me finding a dress? That won't be too much fun."

"We'll see. Do you know what kind of dress you want to have for your prom?"

One that makes me thin and beautiful and maybe a bit older, I think but when I open my mouth again, I mumble. "One that fits," and stare down on my feet again.

Inside the first boutique, I wander through the rows filled with frilly chiffon and lace.

"How about this one?"

I risk a quick look at the price tag, or more at the size of the purple colored dress Bella is waving with in front of my face. It's a fourteen and I'm pretty sure that the American clothing industry hasn't suddenly decided to change dress sizes to my advantage.

"Do you like it?"

"No, I don't think this would look good on me."

"I like purple on you. Just try it on, so that we'll see how it fits you."

This is going to be so fucking embarrassing for me. I try to think of a good excuse in order to avoid having my girlfriend witness how my belly fat squeezes out of the shiny fabric of the A-line dress. If I damage the dress, I'll have to buy it. Do I?

"It's too expensive. I can't spend two hundred bucks on the dress itself."

"Didn't you tell me that your Mom is going to give you the money for the dress?"

"Yes, but I…I,"

"Alice? What is wrong with you?"

"Fine, I just don't want to try this stupid dress. Now leave me alone."

"Why don't you want to try it? I think you'll look pretty in this one. The color makes your hair look beautiful."

I can feel the anger starting to boil up from deep within me but because I don't want to snap at Bella, I take a deep breathe through my teeth before I speak up again. I'm tired of making excuses, tired of lying and so I simply tell her the truth.

"I don't want to try it because it is not going to fit. See? There you have it. Can we leave now?"

"Come with me." she mutters, grabbing her hand around my wrist to pull me with her.

My clothes land on a pile next to my feet and I hold my breath when I can feel Bella fumbling around at the zipper of the dress. Before she starts to pull it up, her lips find mine in a soft kiss that makes my heart race in my chest. For a moment I'm too distracted to focus on the movement of her hands and then, suddenly she breaks the contact of our mouths.

"See, I told you, it would fit you perfectly."


	13. Chapter 13

[Disclaimer] All things Twilight belong to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I know it's been forever since I updated this story. It is still giving me a hard time but I don't want to give up on it yet. I love Alice's character in it so much.

Thanks to those of you who are still reading and check out my other stories too, if you have time. Maybe you'll like one of them.

***Chocolate Therapy***

Mom has forgiven Dad. I can't believe she's forgiven him. My hunger vanishes into nothing while I watch the two of them throwing kisses at each other at the dining table.

"Aren't you going to eat anything, sweetie?" my mother asks me, when she sees how I shove the Lasagna around on my plate.

"It won't do any damage if Alice skips a meal or two, especially since I fired that completely useless trainer of hers."

I drop my fork and try very hard to keep my voice calm when I speak up again.

"Bella is my friend and just for the record. I already lost some weight. The new dress I bought for prom is a size smaller."

"With whom are you planning to go there?"

"I don't know yet."

"She has a secret boyfriend but she's too shy to tell us who the young gentleman is."

"Mom! You are embarrassing me. Why do you have to tell Dad about this?"

"If you are dating someone we need to know. Are you being safe?"

"Safe about what?"

"They are asking if you use condoms when you let Prince Charming fuck you."

My face turns red in embarrassment and I feel like punching my brother into his grinning face. Rose is so obviously the mature one in their relationship.

"Emmett, stop talking like that. What kind of language is that anyway?"

"Just saying it like it is, Dad. Can I leave now? I'm supposed to pick up Rose from her cheerleader training."

"Do you think it's a good idea to continue dating the girl, Son?"

"Yes, I do, Dad. I love Rosie. It's not her fault that you and her slut of a mother couldn't keep your hands from each other. Maybe you're the one who should have been safe."

Dad sighs deeply, taking his glass to drink down the wine in one greedy gulp. He knows that Emmett is technically right.

"Just go, Emmett. But remember what we discussed."

What _we_ have discussed is that it is best not to break the truth to Rosalie. She has an intact family and the fact that Dad is her biological father shouldn't destroy that safety.

When Emmett is out of sight, Mom turns to my father. She reaches out her hand and caresses Dad's blond hair with her fingertips.

"The boy is going to forgive you. He just needs more time."

"Maybe, he will. I'm happy that you have forgiven me. I love you."

"Can I go to my room? I don't like watching you slobbering around on each other. That's gross."

"I want you to tell us who your boyfriend is. It's someone from your school, isn't it?"

"Dad, please stop asking about him."

"Carlisle, she came home with a hickey a few days ago and then she is constantly pushing her curfew. That's so not her."

Yes, I was always the good child. The fact that I have a private life now is not something my mother seems to like too much.

"Come one, sweetie, tell us about him."

"I don't have a boyfriend."

"Alice, you don't need to be shy. Your father and I, we need to know that no one is taking advantage of you."

I stand up from my chair, wiping my mouth on a napkin.

"Mind your own business."

"Sit down, young lady. I don't like you talking to your mother and me like that."

"Sweetie, why don't you just tell us who the boy is who you are secretly meeting?"

"It's not a boy. Fine, now it's out. Your fat-assed disappointment of a daughter is gay."

"You're a lesbian? Are you sure? Since when do you know that? Carlisle, Darling, say something."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know. Just say something. If it makes her happy to be with another girl, we should support that. Don't you agree?"

"Yes, sure, it's not like we can do anything against it anyway."

Thanks Dad, you make me feel so loved and accepted.

"Can I go to my room now? I have tons of homework waiting to be finished."

"Is the girl you are dating from your school? Because I never had the impression you get along with most of your class mates. I bet she's someone special."

She is.

"She's not from my school. Please, Mom, can you just drop it. I don't want to talk about her. That's private."

"We want to meet her. Don't we, Carlisle?"

He nods his head, pouring himself a second glass of wine. He never has more than one during dinner usually, so I assume he's pretty stressed.

"I'll bring her around some time." I whisper before I walk up to my room and lock the door behind me. My face is glowing when I grab my cell from my nightstand and dial Bella's number.

"Hey, beautiful, are you already missing me?"

"I told my parents about you. I don't know why. Now they keep asking me to meet you. Crap, what am I going to do?"

"You told them about us? Are you crazy?"

I sit down on my bed and cuddle my pillow tightly before I speak up again.

"I didn't tell them your name. But my mother noticed the hickey you gave me and she's so terribly persistent. She thought I had a secret boyfriend and insisted I have to introduce the poor fucker to them."

"Oh,"

There is an awkward silence on the other side of the line. The she clears her throat loudly.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice on you. It's just that I don't think your parents would be very pleased if they knew it was me you are dating. Your father is not too fond of me. He'd probably press charges against me because you're still a minor."

"I'm seventeen not twelve and so far we haven't done anything that's against the law."

"I know. I'm still worried."

"But you're not going to break up with me because of this crap?"

"Alice. Why are you saying that? Don't you know I love you?"

"You love me," I repeat, my voice barely audible. "You love me?"

"Of course, I love you, silly girl. I love you more than it is good for me."

"I love you too. I want to be with no one else but you."

There is a knock on the door and I quickly tell Bella goodbye before I get up to open it. My mother is carrying a tray with two bowls filled with ice-cream and my lips twitch when she places it on the floor in front of my bed.

"I thought you'd like to have some dessert. I put some fruit on it as well. That way we don't have to feel so guilty about eating ice-cream."

I dip a piece of strawberry into the creamy ice, letting it melt on the tip of my tongue before I start stirring the rest of the ice-cream around in the bowl.

"This is delicious. Why is everything that has too much calories so yummy?"

She sits down next to me on the floor, leaning her back against the bed behind her.

"You know I love you, don't you?"

"Yes, Mom, I know."

"Then why were you so scared to tell me about your girlfriend? I don't care with who you are as long as you are happy."

"It is complicated." I tell her, licking on another spoon full of ice-cream. My entire mouth is cold already, but I can't stop eating now anyway. I'm tensed and stuffing something into my mouth helps me to relax a bit.

"Why?"

"She's older than me."

"How much older are we talking? It's not one of your teachers, is it?"

My mother watches too much bad TV that much is obvious.

"She's not one of my teacher. I would never do such a thing."

Her mouth closes and opens several times, a tiny droplet of melted brown ice-cream running down her chin. She wipes it away with the back of her hand.

"It's this trainer woman, right? I saw the way you were looking at her when she brought you here last night. I just couldn't put a name to it."

I start crying, panic spreading through me and with trembling hands I drop the bowl with the rest of the ice-cream from my lap.

"Don't call the cops on her. She's done nothing. We have done nothing."

"Sweetie, please stop crying. Nothing is as bad as you think it is."

She places the bowl back on the tray and wraps her arm around me, stroking my hair carefully.

"I don't like that you think you can't trust me. You should know that you can tell me everything."

"Dad would be mad, especially since he was paying Bella to get me thin. Why did he do that anyway? Can't he just let me be the way I am? I'll never be thin like Rosalie. Not even if I don't eat anything for an entire month."

"Your father was just trying to help you. Haven't you been complaining about your weight for …god, I don't even know for how long, probably since you started high school."

"The morons at my school are constantly teasing me for being fat. Everyone is always teasing me about it and I'm so tired of that. No wonder my real mother didn't want to keep me."

"Don't call this person your mother. She's nothing to you. Nothing do you hear me."


	14. Chapter 14

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] I want to thank all my lovely readers who left me such nice reviews on the latest update. I love you for being so incredibly supportive and patient. I feel like there is never enough time to write everything I want…

****Fluffy Stuff****

„How's it like being a dyke?" Emmett asks me when I come down for breakfast the next morning. He stuffs the rest of a donut between his lips, licking some frosting from his fingers. I don't know if he knows we own plates.

"How's it like being a dyke?"

"How's it like being mentally slow?" I snarl at him before I grab an apple to cut it in slices. Mom is already gone, attending her ridiculous yoga class while Dad is spending his Saturday morning in the hospital trying to get some order into this paperwork crap.

"They told you?"

"You know how Mom's like. Now, tell me about your girlfriend. I bet she looks like a boy. You are so girly, so she must be more like butch. Am I right?"

"You know shit. She's a wonderful person but that's none of your business. And please, keep your mouth shut about my orientation at school. I have to take enough crap from the people there without them knowing I'm a lesbian."

"My lips are sealed. But your gayness will probably disappoint Jasper. He was planning on asking to prom and I was going to give him my permission."

"What kind of permission? And why would I date a drug addict? Do I appear that desperate to you?"

"Whatever, look I have to leave now. Do I look alright? I'm going to meet with my birth mother today. She's in Seattle to film a commercial for some toothpaste."

"Have fun." I tell him, pouring myself a glass of milk that I drink down thirstily. It makes me sad that he can still have some kind of relationship with his birth mother while mine obviously doesn't give a shit about me.

When he is gone I grab the phone and dial Bella's number. She's not home but I leave a message for her, telling her that she can come to my place if she wants to. It will be hours until Mom comes back and I want to make the best out of it. I need to tell her that my mother knows about us being together.

Flipping through the tv channels I get bored soon and start searching the cupboards for something to read, an old magazine perhaps, when a plain white envelope falls on my lap.

I notice the address of a lawyer's office on it. Marcus Volturi, isn't that one of the guys my father plays golf with? Why would he need a lawyer? Is that about the cancelled divorce?

My curiosity overpowers me and I open the envelope, reading through the letter inside it.

_Dear Mr. Cullen,_

_Miss Brandon has contacted my office again. You should consider letting her see the girl because she seems very determined to take this to court unless you agree to a meeting._

_I know that you've handled the adoption process with her father and that technically speaking she has no right to demand visitation rights but according to her fiancé who is also her juristic support now, she won't give up. You'll find his address attached in case you wish to handle things directly with him. He seems like a pretty reasonable man to me._

_Let me know how you wish to proceed._

_Sincerely_

_Marcus Volturi_

I read through the letter again and again, trying to put some sense into the words. Didn't they tell me that my birth mother has abandoned me? That they have no idea who the woman is that brought me into the world?

Grabbing the letter I turn it around and see the date on it. The thing was written over three years ago. Why don't I know anything about this? How can my parents keep things like that from me?

The doorbell goes and my knees are trembling when I stand up to open the door. My thoughts are racing in my head, overwhelming me.

"Hey, are you okay?" Bella asks me, wrapping her arms around my middle. I inhale the sweet scent of her body and sigh deeply.

"It's nothing."

"You suck at lying. Look at your hands. They are trembling. Are you sick? I bet you didn't drink enough again."

"I don't know." I whisper nervously. "I was just in thoughts."

She pulls me into the kitchen and plants a kiss on my mouth, pressing me against the counter behind me.

"You need to stop worrying so much. Now, do you want to have breakfast with me? I'm starving."

"I've already had an apple."

"That's no breakfast. I told you that it's not good to go from one extreme to another. We can burn off the calories later on. It's such a nice day to go swimming."

"I don't want to embarrass myself by walking around in a bathing suit."

"There is nothing wrong with your curves." she murmurs, letting her hands glide down my hips. "They feel pretty good to me."

Heat spreads through me and I whimper into her mouth as I pull her close to another kiss. My tongue swirls against hers, teasing her playfully while I eventually dare to open the first buttons of her blouse.

"My room," I manage to say between kisses, taking her hand to lead her up to my room. We lay down on the bed and I close my eyes as her fingers move under my shirt.

"Are you sure, we won't get interrupted?"

"Yeah, they are all gone. It's just me and you."

For a moment I consider closing the curtains but somehow that seems so awkward to me. Bella has told me that she likes me the way I am and I trust her. She's the only person who has never lied to me.

"I love you." I whisper into her ear when her warm fingers reach the fabric of my bra. Her fingertips circle over the thin material and make my nipples stiffen from her touch.

"Can we take this off?" she asks me lifting my shirt over my head. I fumble her blouse open to throw it on the ground next to the bed. She moans when I cup the soft mounds of her breasts in my hands. Our bras land somewhere at the end of the bed and I close my eyes as Bella's mouth closes gently around one of the tip of my nipples. Her tongue flickers over it before she sucks eagerly while she massages my other breast tenderly. I can feel myself getting wet and automatically I shift my hips, so that her crotch rubs against mine. Oh fuck this feel so good.

"Do you want us to stop?"

"Do you?" I ask her, circling my palm down her flat abdomen. When I reach the zipper of her jeans I hesitate. It's not like I have a clue how to do this right. I only know that I want her. I love her and want to make her feel good.

"No," she tells me in a husky moan. "I don't want to stop. I wanted to do this with you for a while now."

I pull down the zipper of her jeans and shove them down her legs, caressing the muscles on her thighs before I stroke their insides with my fingertips. Kissing her mouth, I move my fingers higher and slip them underneath the cotton of her panties.

"Oh yes," she whimpers, wrapping her hand around my wrist to guide my hand where she wants to have it. Her mound is clean shaven and when I dip my fingers between her folds they are hot and slick against them.

"Can I touch you too? I want to feel you."

I try very hard not to groan too loud when she starts stroking me gently between my legs. Her thumb circles over my clit, making it throb against her touch. She sucks on my neck, leaving another mark on my pale skin as her climax makes her shudder in my arms.

Lowering her head to my breast again, she sucks my nipple into the heat of her mouth while one of her fingers glides smoothly inside of me. I whimper, I moan and when she adds a second finger my inner muscles tense as I tumble into the sweetest release of my life.

"I love you so much, my beautiful girl." She tells me, planting feather light kisses over my now overheated face.

I rest my head against her chest and close my eyes, almost drifting into sleep again while she keeps playing with my hair.

"How did your parents take the news about you being gay?"

"Pretty good, I'm glad they didn't throw a tantrum. My Mom was disappointed that I was worried about telling her the truth. Oh, before I forget it, I told her about you."

"Was she mad?"

"No, she was more concerned that you are influencing me because I'm younger. She promised not to tell my father until I'm ready."

"That's good. Did you tell your brother too?"

"Emmett is getting on my nerves. He asked if my girlfriend looked like a boy."

"You should tell him, before he gets the news from his girlfriend."

"You told Rose?"

"I hope that's okay for you. She was getting so curious and I needed someone to talk to."

"As long as she doesn't tell the morons at school, I don't mind."

"I ask her to keep quiet about it. Do you want to have some breakfast now? I think we just burned off some decent amount of calories."

Down in the kitchen a few minutes later I watch how she stirs some dough for pancakes and can't stop grinning like an idiot.

"What were you doing before I came?"

"Nothing, just looking at some stuff." I tell her, suddenly remembering the letter I found. Neither my mother nor my father has ever mentioned that my birth mother would want to contact me. How can they keep stuff like that from me?

"Alice, are you okay? You seem upset. I didn't rush you into sleeping with me, did I?"

I shake my head, walking over to the living room to get the letter. I know that I shouldn't be showing this to Bella. Technically I shouldn't even be reading it, but damn it. This is about me and obviously no one found it necessary to let me know.

"You have to keep this to yourself. My father would probably be furious, if he knew I was reading his mail."

She pulls me on her lap and I try to protest, telling her that I'm way too heavy for her, but she just laughs and wraps her arms around my neck.

"Did it upset you what you found? What did your father do? Hire another diet coach?"

"He…well, I found this letter from his lawyer that says my birth mother wanted to contact me and it didn't seem like he appreciated that a lot."

"Do you want to see her?"

I cringe, realizing for the first time that I don't really know how to answer that question. My whole life the thought of my birth mother made me feel low, unwanted, unloved. Mom and Dad are all the parents I ever knew and I love them. But yet…somehow I feel a desperate need to get to know the person who brought me into this world.


	15. Chapter 15

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks to all of you, who read and reviewed the last chapter. Your support means everything to me.

****Nerds****

"Do I look okay?" I ask Bella while I continue sipping on the milkshake between my hands. It had taken me forever to choose what I wanted to wear and I still wasn't sure if I looked alright. I was nervous, my palms sweaty, my face flushed despite the icy air-conditioned atmosphere in her car.

"You look pretty. Stop being nervous, Alice, everything is going to be fine."

"I don't know if this is right. Maybe I should have confronted my parents with this first. Maybe there is a reason why they didn't want me to meet my birth mother."

"Yes, of course, there is a reason. Your parents are jealous jerks who love treating you like a baby, especially your mother. She loves you but she needs to learn how to let go."

"What if my birth mother hates me?"

Bella sighs, parking the car as she had finally reached our destination. It had been a three hour drive to the address Mr. Volturi had given my father in his letter. What we are doing is stupid and risky. Maybe her fiancé doesn't even live here anymore.

"Come here to me, baby. You are trembling. Please, don't be so nervous. I know this is difficult for you. I'm here. You're not on your own."

She puts my hair behind my ear and leans forward to kiss my mouth.

"Tastes good, tastes like more. I love you. I'll always love you."

Walking towards the house, I try to flatten my crinkled skirt, repeating in my head what I'm intending to say in case someone actually opens the door.

"Hi," a chubby little boy asks me, while he continues stuffing candy in his mouth. "Are you my babysitter?"

I'm frozen, unable to move or speak. Does he look anything like me? No, he's blond and has brown eyes.

"Do you want some too?" he asks, offering me the package with a grin. "They are so yummy."

"Are your mom or dad home?" Bella asks him, wrapping her arms around me to keep me from falling over. I feel so terribly agitated that I'm close to crying.

"Daddy! My babysitters are here!"

"Liam, I told you not to open the door on your own!" The father calls from inside the house. When he shows up a moment later, he's wiping some black grease from his hands.

"I'm sorry. One can't leave him alone for five minutes. I was just working on my bike. Are you the babysitters the agency sent us?"

"No, we're not." Bella tells him while I try to remember how to use my mouth. "We're actually here because we're looking for someone who used to live here…possibly, a Miss Brandon."

"What do you want from her?"

"She…I …well…I…I …," I stumble out, "Do you know her? It's really important."

"I'm afraid Miss Brandon doesn't live here anymore."

"Oh," I whisper, feeling the blood leaving my face. Damn it, we should have called instead of just driving here. But what the hell should I have told them on the phone? God, this is such an awkward situation.

He smirks and runs his fingers through his blond hair.

"She's Mrs. Connor now. But right now my wife is not home. She's still at her office."

"Daddy, tell them they need to play with me! Tell them."

"Go to your room, sweetie. I'll look after you in a few minutes."

When the little one walks off, his father clears his throat, crossing the arms in front of his chest as if he doesn't know what to do with the unexpected intruders.

"Why do you want to see my wife? You're not from the press, are you?"

"Press?"

"Yes, the press. Those shitheads have no shame molesting her since her father's funeral and I'm tired of filling reports on that."

"We're not from the press, no need to worry." Bella tells him, tightening her grip around me. If it wasn't for her holding me, I would just collapse on the floor. My nerves are blank and with a loud sob, I burst out into tears.

"Alice, honey. Please, don't cry now."

"What's wrong with her? Is there anything I can do?"

"Can we come in for a moment? It's a bit complicated." Bella stats rubbing my back as she pulls me against her chest.

He nods his head and guides us inside the house, shoving some toys from the couch before he tells us to sit down on it.

"Why are you crying? If you need a lawyer your parents should…,"

"My parents don't know that I'm here."

I wipe my nose and sniff loudly. My entire face is probably smeared with mascara now. Then I grab my handbag, searching through the mess in it before I find the letter my father's lawyer sent.

"This is why I'm here." I whisper huskily.

His eyes widen, as he grabs the letter from my quivering hands and reads through it.

"You think you're Rachel's kid?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here. It was a stupid idea. Bella, we should go."

"No, please stay. I…can you just stay where you are? I'll be right back."

He rushes to the kitchen and I can hear him talk in a low voice to someone on the phone. When he returns, he carries several bags of candy stuff with him.

"Maybe you like those? Rachel always likes some candy to calm her nerves. I asked my wife to come home early today, but not why. It would agitate her too much."

"Are you my…father? My real father, I mean?"

"Please, call me Peter. If I was your father, you'd know it. If I was your father, your grandfather hadn't managed to pull this adoption crap against Rachel's will."

"Against her will? My parents have told me that she abandoned me as a baby."

"No, she hasn't. Look, I have to make sure the boy doesn't flush his hamster down the toilet. Make yourself comfortable."

Bella leans forward, wiping a bit of smeared make-up from underneath my eyes. Then she plants a soft kiss on the tip of my nose, caressing my hair with her fingers to help me to calm down.

"He seems nice, doesn't he? I bet your mother is nice too. She'll be happy to see you."

"But what if she doesn't like me? What if she doesn't like me because I'm fat?"

"Alice, breathe. Everything is going to be fine. She'll like you. She'll love you. You are a wonderful, smart and caring person."

I stuff several hands full of candy stuff between my lips until Bella grabs the bag and shoves it over to the other side of the table.

"Do you know why your wife didn't keep me?" I ask Peter when he returns after a few minutes. He nods his head and sits down next to us, rubbing his eyes for a moment as if he's trying to figure out how to explain things.

"See, Rachel was only sixteen when she got pregnant with you. Her parents were furious but when they found out about it, but it was already too late for…other options."

I can hear a key turning in the lock, followed by some barking noises as a tiny little nothing of a dog rushes into the house.

"Stay here, Tiffy! Bad dog! Damn it, Peter. I can't stand this thing. My mother has spoiled her too much."

Breathlessly, she enters the room, making me almost jump up from the couch. She doesn't look much like me. Yet we look completely the same. Her hair is dyed in a very light blonde color and pulled in a thick bun. Her eyes are a bright blue against the dark frames of her glasses. What I like most is that her shape is so close to mine, curvy and round.

Peter doesn't need to explain to her who I am. The moment she sees me, she drops her handbag and some rolls of paper to the ground. A split second later her arms are around me, her hug so tightly that I can't breathe properly. She sobs desperately, trembling all over while she starts planting countless kisses all over my hair and my face. I don't know what to do. I just feel like this is too much closeness, more than I can handle. Still, I don't dare to ask her to let go of me.

"Daddy, what is Mommy doing with my babysitter?"

"It's okay, sweetie. Your Mom is just agitated. Do you want to take Tiffy out in the garden to play with her?"

"Hmm,"

When the boy is out of sight, Peter wraps his arm around his wife, pulling her gently from me.

"Darling, you are scaring the girl. Try to calm down a bit. I know how difficult this must be for you."

"No, you don't." she croaks. "You don't know how it is like to have a child and they take it away from you. How it's like not to know if she's alright, if the people she's with take good care of her."

She cleans her nose on a tissue her husband handles her after he manages to pull her on his lap, stroking up and down her spine in small circles.

"I'm sorry, darling. I can't tell you how sorry I am."

"But she gave me away. She didn't want me." I start hesitantly, my voice thick with tears.

"Of course, I wanted you. How can think I didn't want you? My father…he gave you away after you were born. No one ever asked me what I wanted to do. No one cared."

"Alice, you must know that my father-in-law was a pretty intimidating man. He was afraid it would cause some sort of scandal if his minor daughter had a child. It was so important to him, what kind of impression he made in public."

"Is he in politics?" Bella asks him with a frown on her face. "Who cares what other people think?"

"My father did. He insisted that the company only made it that far because people trusted them to stick to the true values of family and honor. At the time I got pregnant, he was offered some big contracts in Asia, to start selling overseas as well."

"What is his company producing?" I ask Rachel, glad that my nerves have finally managed to calm down again. She's nice. She doesn't hate me and I have a certain feeling, I'm going to get along with her.

"This," she tells me, pointing to one of the bags on the table in front of us. "This is what our family company is producing. My father is the former CEO of American Candy."


	16. Chapter 16

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] Thanks for your encouragement and support. Without you, I couldn't do this.

****Blueberry Muffins****

It gets later and later while I listen to my birth mother's explanations. She tells me how her father practically forced her to sign the adoption papers against her will. That she had to spend several years in therapy afterwards because she got so depressed.

"I don't understand why my parents lied to me about your heritage. They said my birth mother abandoned me after I was born."

Rachel shakes her head and sighs. "No, I would never have done that. I assume my father made your…adoptive parents agree to sign some sort of NDA."

"It's a bit more complicated. After contacting their lawyer, Mr. Cullen informed me that he obviously didn't tell his wife about that NDA. She really thinks that the child they adopted was abandoned."

Mom…shit…I should call her. She's going to freak when I tell her where I am right now. But on the other hand, she's going to be worried sick because there is no way Bella and I can make it back before my curfew.

"My Mom is going to worry about me when I don't come back soon. She's pretty protective."

"Do you get along with your…parents? They treat you good, right? Please, say yes, I've been so concerned that you've been living with people that treat you badly."

"I love my parents. My Mom is wonderful. She's very supportive. With my Dad it's a bit difficult. First he hired Bella as my diet coach against my will and—"

"Diet coach? Why the hell would he do that?" Rachel asks me, her face turning into a sourly frown.

"I'm too heavy because I can't stay away from anything that contains sugar or fat."

"Sweetie, you can let the numbers on the scale rule your life or you take control over it yourself. There isn't anything wrong with the way you look. Crap, I would have been more than happy to look like you when I was your age. You're good-looking like father. I can show you a picture of him, if you want to."

I nod my head, taking Bella's hand in mine to squeeze it tightly.

"He's in Korea now. My father offered his Dad a high position to make them move there after they found out about my pregnancy."

"You father was an asshole." Bella stats, rubbing her thumb over my wrist. "He had no right to do what he did."

"What's done is done. There is nothing I can do to change the past. It was very hard in the first years but since I met Peter and we had Liam things are better."

"That's good to hear. Can I come and visit you again?"

"Of course, you can. I would like that very much. Bring your adoptive mother with you. I'd like to get to know the woman who raised you."

I am close to tears again when I tell Rachel and Peter goodbye. On the ride back home to Seattle, I'm very quiet. I'm happy and yet so terribly sad at the same time.

"Are you tired?"

"No, I'm just way too agitated about everything."

Then I clear my throat and lean my head against her shoulder. "Thanks for doing this for me."

"You're welcome. I'm glad your birth mother is such a nice person. You are lucky to have two mothers that care about you."

"How's your mom like?"

"Renee is not exactly the motherly type. She is living in Florida and owns a yoga studio with her second husband."

I listen to her voice but it gets lower and lower until I eventually drift into some semi-sleep.

"Mary Alice, get out of that car!"

I shrug up, feeling my Dad fumbling with my seatbelt.

"Dad, stop that. I can do that myself. Why are you so angry?"

Dad starts yelling at Bella while my mother who is standing behind him sobs into a tissue.

"Sweetie, where have you been? I wanted to call the police."

"Mom, please, calm down and tell Dad to stop yelling at Bella like that. It's rude."

"Carlisle, darling, Alice is back now, so everything is okay. We should take this inside to discuss things calmly."

"Don't tell me what to do, Esme. It's not acceptable that this impossible person here practically hijacked our minor daughter."

"Hijacked? Are you crazy? She would never force me to go anywhere I didn't want to go. I trust her."

"Trust, trust, trust, you are too naïve to know whom to trust or not. She's too old for you and has taken advantage of you. I should press charges against her."

"Dad! No, you can't do that."

"Mary Alice, your mother and I have been worried sick."

"I'm sorry about that."

"You can be sorry in your room where you are going to spend every free minute when you're not at school for the next months!"

"No, you can't treat me like a stupid kid anymore. Bella and I have done nothing wrong. I'm sorry you had to worry because I'm too late."

"Go to your room, like I told you to!"

"Carlisle Cullen, stop it. Can't you see that you're ruining everything with your behavior? We are going to lose Alice if we forbid her to see her girlfriend."

"Esme, I thought you and I are on the same side?"

"I don't want to lose my baby. In a few months she'll be eighteen and can date who she wants anyway."

Bella hugs me, stroking my back before she plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I love Alice. We're going to stay together, whether you like that thought or not."

Dad sighs, taking several deep breaths while his reddened face eventually turns back to its normal color.

"You can't take her anywhere without my wife and me knowing about that. It's almost 2 A.M. for crying out loud."

"Don't you want to know where we've been?" I ask my parents, crossing my arms in front of my chest. "I've made a visit today. Does the name Peter Connor ring any bells for you?"

"Peter Connor? No, I've never heard about him. Carlisle? Carlisle!"

My father pales and he gets this weird expression on his face, his forehead wrinkling like it always is when he's close to making up a lie. Unfortunately my mom is pretty good at reading him.

"You are going to tell me who this man is. You are going to me right now."

"Can we go inside for this? We're going to wake up the neighbors."

Oh yes, that would give those idiots something to gossip about; the perfect Cullen family having a fight for everyone to hear.

"Okay, we take this inside. Alice tell your girl—girlfriend goodbye now." Dad tells me his voice sharp like a knife.

"Can't she stay with me?"

"Is it necessary?" he mumbles and I can sense that he's close to losing his patience.

Hell, yes, it is!

"Mom, is it okay?"

"Sure, sweetie, whatever your father has to say to us, he can say it in front of your girlfriend too. Right, Carlisle?"

"Like I can do anything if you are teaming up with our daughter now,"

We walk into the house, where I sit down on the couch, Bella to my left and Mom to my right side. I wrap my arms around Bella's shoulder while Mom holds a plate with muffins to me.

"Are you hungry, sweetie? Bella, do you want some?"

"We already ate. Thank you." Bella says, pulling me closer against her.

"Fine. Carlisle, now tell me who this Peter Connor is. I swear to God, if that's another love child of yours, I will castrate you. I only forgave you because you promised me it was the only time, you cheated on me."

"He's not my kid. Jeez, Esme, this is so complicated. You have to know that I only kept things from you for your own good."

"You're scaring me."

He kneels down next to Mom and takes her hand between his.

"I only did it because I love you. You wanted us so much to adopt a little girl. Do you remember? How could I endanger that? This Brandon fucker wouldn't let me adopt the baby unless I agreed to his terms. All I wanted was to make you happy, Esme. I love you and I know how much you wanted to adopt a second child."

"This is about the adoption? How? Is Peter Connor her birth father?"

"Peter is my birth mother's husband, the birth mother who Dad didn't want to have any contact to me."

"But she abandoned you and left you behind in the hospital. Carlisle, tell me what's going on here."

"I lied to you about Alice's birth mother. It was part of the deal. I had to sign some papers that forbid me to speak about her true heritage."


	17. Chapter 17

[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N] So, this is the last chapter for my little story here. I want to thank those of you, who have stayed with me for this ride. You are amazing readers and I feel blessed to have you by my side.

****Mountain Dew****

The next thing I hear is a shrill scream leaving Mom's throat. She raises her hand and slaps my father across his face with so much force that he loses his balance and falls back against the living room table.

"Kitchen! Now!"

He stands up again, rubbing his left cheek when he follows her into the kitchen. Mom yells at him and I can hear some more slapping noises, followed by loud sobbing.

"Sweetie, I should leave now. Your family needs to sort this out without any bystanders. Call me, if you need anything. I love you."

I kiss Bella's mouth and wrap my arms around her neck. I don't want her to go. This situation is so horribly. I can't handle this on my own.

"Go to bed, Alice. Everything will look way better in the morning."

She hugs me again and I inhale the comforting scent of her skin so deeply that it makes me feel a bit dizzy.

When she lets go of me and walks out of the house, I take one of the muffins and start nibbling halfheartedly on it. It's not that I'm hungry. I just don't know what else to do with all the emotions floating through me.

I can hear Dad crying in the kitchen, begging Mom to forgive him while she yells at him. Crap, if they keep going like that I'm sure they'll rethink their decision about the cancelled divorce.

"Hey, what's going on here? I could hear Mom yelling from across the street." Emmett asks me. I was so in thoughts that I didn't even hear him enter the house.

"Alice?"

"Oh Emmett!" I sob dryly while I try to hold back a wave of new tears. I don't want to cry again but I'm so very agitated.

He goes to the kitchen and for a moment Mom and Dad interrupt their fight to snap at Emmett for coming home at this late time. Then they tell him to take me upstairs to make sure I don't hear any more of their fighting. Great, like that would make any difference now.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"No,"

Emmett pulls my blanket around me and shoves my teddy bear in my arms.

"When you were little you could never sleep without him. Do you remember?"

I nod my head and sniff loudly.

"It's going to be okay. They're just fighting."

"But it's my fault."

"Bull shit. You're not responsible for this. Stop thinking like that."

He sits down next to me on the bed and hugs me.

"Do you know why they are fighting this time?"

"I went to visit my birth mother today. Dad…he kind of signed some paper crap that made sure they can't contact my birth mother. Her family they are shitty rich people."

"Why would rich people give up a child for adoption?"

"Because I was in the way…I guess. My grandfather didn't want people to know his minor daughter had a child."

"I see. Crap, I don't know what to say to that Alice. I'm sorry."

I sigh, leaning my head against his shoulder. His shirt is wet and smells a bit like root beer. At least he doesn't drink alcohol anymore when he goes out with his retarded friends.

"How was your night?"

"Too long. I'm going to crash now. Let me know if you need anything."

It takes me forever to fall asleep. I sob into my pillow and when my parents finally walk up the stairs in the early hours of the morning, I shrug up again.

When I hear my cell ringing a few hours later I feel completely stoned.

"Hello?"

"Sweetie, it's me. You sound awful. Is everything okay? I'm worried about you."

"I don't know. I'm terribly tired and my head hurts."

"You need some fresh air. I'm going to pick you up in an hour."

"Do we have to run?"

"I don't think so. We're just going for a walk."

"I love you." I tell her before I hang up. I grab some clothes from my closet and stumble towards the bathroom. After a refreshing shower I feel almost awake again. I need some coffee to help me with the rest.

Mom is already down in the kitchen. Her eyes are red from crying but when she sees me her mouth curls into a warm smile.

"Morning, sweetie, do you want me to make you breakfast?"

"Can I have coffee?"

"Yes, sure, honey. You look tired. I'm sorry your father and I were so loud last night."

"Are you getting a divorce now?"

She shakes her head and walks over to the stove to fill my plate with crispy bacon and eggs.

"We talked long last night. Well, it was more like I yelled and he talked. I believe him that he truly thought it to be best what he did back then. He loves me. Sometimes people do stupid things because they think it's what the person they love needs."

"If you had known about my background, would you have still wanted to adopt me?"

"I wouldn't want to take a child away from a mother that loves her kid. But now you are my girl and I can't imagine not being your mother. I love you so much, baby."

I've just finished my breakfast when Bella shows up. Her hair is pulled in a sloppy ponytail and I can't stop thinking how lucky I am to have such a beautiful girlfriend.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Cullen. It's okay when I take Alice with me, right? I promise she'll be back at a decent time today."

"Please, call me Esme. It's fine. Just let me know when it's getting late, so that I won't have to worry. I'll need some more time to accept my baby is growing up."

Bella manages to talk me into some sort of hiking trip and three hours later, we reach a beautiful little meadow in the middle of nowhere.

"It's nice here, isn't it? I really wanted to show you this place."

She pulls out a blanket and pets the place next to her. I sit down and pull her on my lap. Her mouth is so soft and warm against my lips that I can't stop kissing her until both of us are panting breathlessly.

"I love you," she whispers, kissing her way down my jaw to suck the skin underneath my ear between her teeth.

"I love you too. I want us to be together forever."

"Oh Alice, you are so sweet. I've never felt so loved in my life before. I want to be with you, but I don't want to hold you back."

"Hold me back?"

"You are still so young. What if you get accepted to a College that's far away?"

"I won't go anywhere without you, and I'm pretty sure that there are people around all over that need a personal trainer."

"You're the only one who gets some personal training from me in the future. I'm trying to get a job in a fitness club, preferably a big one that offers decent working hours."

"What if you get a job somewhere else?" I ask her worriedly, while I nuzzle my face against her soft hair. It smells like strawberries. Hmm…so delicious.

"I don't know. It's not that I'm in the position to be too choosy, but I don't want to move anywhere without you."

I take a deep breath and force my lips into a smile. "If you get a job anywhere else, you are going to take it. We can see each other at the weekends and then when I finish school…if I survive the next year, I'll try to get accepted somewhere near you."

We kiss again and I enjoy the warm feeling that spreads through me as her tongue slips into my waiting mouth. I love her so much and I love her even more for loving me back.

"I'd do anything for you." I tell her, letting my fingers circle over her fingers. I wished I could give her a ring but I don't think I've savrd up enough for something pretty. Maybe for Christmas, I can manage to get a part time job and then…

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I tell her, kissing her sweet lips again.

"Are you sure?"

"Well, there is something I want to ask you. You can say no if you want to but it's really important to me."

"If it's important to you, how can I say no? I love you."

I take her hand and blow a kiss over her knuckles. "Will you be my date for Prom?"

"You want to go there with me? For real?"

"I wouldn't want to go there with anyone but you. So, if you don't want to come, it means no one is going to see that pretty dress I bought for that occasion."

She cups my face between her hands, pushing my curls behind my ears.

"My answer is yes. I want to be your Prom date. There is just one thing that you need to know before we go there. You need to show me how to dance or otherwise I'm going to embarrass both of us terribly."


End file.
